1. You’re comparing your current relationship to your old relationships. If you were in a toxic relationship in the past, then anything your new person does is going to feel like a breath of fresh air. But you have to remind yourself, just because this person is treating you better than the last person, it doesn’t mean they’re treating you well. If your bar is already set low, you shouldn’t settle for someone who rises just above the bar. You should hold out for someone who raises it as high as possible.
2. You’re spending every waking moment together. It’s great that you’re best friends. It’s great that you have so much in common. It’s great that you spend quality time together every single day. But you’re supposed to have your own lives. You shouldn’t feel like it’s the end of the world when you’re alone for a few hours while they’re out with their friends or working overtime at the office. Missing them is normal, but if it’s a real struggle to spend twenty-four hours without them, then you need to learn how to be happy on your own.
3. You’re stuffing your emotions down to avoid confrontation. You shouldn’t keep your feelings to yourself. If something is bothering you, your person deserves to know. It’s dangerous to convince yourself it’s not that big of a deal and you’ll get over it. After all, if you don’t tell your person when something is bothering you, nothing is going to stop them from making the same mistake again and again. And you’re going to grow more resentful about the behavior over time.
4. You’re keeping track of all the effort you put into the relationship. The relationship should feel equal, but not every single thing that happens actually has to be equal. It’s okay if you’re the one who usually texts first in the morning and they’re the one who usually puts the dishes away after dinner. As long as you’re both doing your fair share, you don’t have to keep track of exactly how many times in a row you initiated sex or took out the garbage. You can just enjoy the relationship.
5. You’re spending more time worrying about perception than reality. It’s perfectly fine to take cute couple pictures for social media and post about how much you love each other. But you shouldn’t be putting on a show for the rest of the world and treating your person like shit behind the scenes. What your person thinks of the relationship is much more important than what your family and friends think about the relationship.
6. You’re trying to follow a timeline. You should move at your own pace. You don’t have to rush into an engagement because the rest of your friends are getting married or because you’ve been in a relationship for years now and feel like it’s the next logical step. Don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re not ready to do — or anything you aren’t actually interested in doing. You can take your time. You can make your own rules.