When you’re a virgin in your twenties, you’re never sure when you should let someone you’re seeing know. When you match on a dating app? On the first date? During your first make-out session? It never feels like the right time. You don’t want to ruin a perfect moment by making it awkward — and you’re not sure how they’re going to react. You’re not sure whether they’re going to shrug their shoulders and say it’s not a big deal or whether they’re going to get scared away. You’re not sure whether it’s going to be a deal-breaker.
When you’re a virgin in your twenties, most people assume it’s on purpose. They’ll ask you whether you’re religious, whether you’re saving yourself for marriage, whether you’re holding out for the perfect person. But honestly, there isn’t really a reason. You’ve just never reached that point with anyone. You’ve never considered yourself picky — but the more years that pass by without you having sex, the more that changes.
It can go one of two ways. You might want to lose your virginity as soon as possible so you can stop worrying about it, stop feeling like you’re missing out on something, stop feeling pressured to get it right the first time. Or you might want to be extra careful about who you lose it to because you’ve waited this long already and you might as well make it special — or at least not a casual, one-night stand.
When you’re a virgin in your twenties, there are moments when you’re proud and moments when you’re embarrassed. A part of you is happy you didn’t end up having some sort of horrible experience and getting your heart shattered. But when your friends talk about sex, you feel like you can never join in on the conversation. You feel like you’re an outcast. You feel like you’re falling behind, like you should have done more by now, like you should have had at least one or two flings. After all, there are friends of yours getting married and you’ve still never reached all the bases.
When you’re a virgin in your twenties, you get nervous about your lack of experience. What if you find the perfect person, but since you have no idea what you’re doing in the bedroom, you aren’t able to satisfy them? Other people have been having sex for years. You know you aren’t going to get it right on your first try. You know you aren’t going to be able to compare to their exes who know exactly what they’re doing. You’re going to need a while to get used to everything, but you don’t want to disappoint your person.
When you’re a virgin in your twenties, you wonder whether you should have had sex by now, whether you made a mistake, whether you’re missing out on something important. But virginity is a social construct. It doesn’t matter. The right person isn’t going to care. They’re going to love you — and love having sex with you — whether you have experience or not.