1. How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The light bulb has to want to change.

2. How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Just Juan.

3. How many guys in the friendzone does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just stand around complimenting it then get pissed when it doesn’t screw.

4. How many apple enthusiasts does it take to change a lightbulb? They don’t change the lightbulb, they just buy a new house.

5. How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one. He holds the lightbulb, and the world revolves around him.

6. How many white girls does it take to change a lightbulb? I don’t know but it’s an odd number because they just can’t, even.

7. How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb? You don’t know man, you weren’t there man!

8. How many mystery writers does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.

9. How did the hipster burn his hand? He changed the lightbulb before it was cool.

10. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two but nobody knows how they got in there.

11. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? Don’t inconvenience yourself for my sake, I’ll just sit here in the dark.

12. How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just let it burn out and follow it around for a few decades.

13. How many privates does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But we’re sending 12 and everyone better contribute.

14. How many computer scientists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. That is a hardware issue.

15. How many Rangers does it take to change a lightbulb? One-hundred. 1 to change the lightbulb and the other 99 to tell you how hard it was when they had to do it.

16. How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. They’re efficient and not very funny.

17. How long does it take a performance artist to change a lightbulb? I don’t know, I left after the first hour and a half.

18. How many Lionel Richies does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but it’ll take him all night long.

19. How many stoners does it take to change a lightbulb? One! They are high, not idiots.

20. How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they only screw the poor.

21. How many Yankee fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark talking about how they use to have some of the brightest bulbs of all time.

22. How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb and another to hold the penis–I mean ladder.

23. How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb? Apparently more than 10. My basement is still dark.

24. How many skateboarders does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it take him 100 tries.

25. How many roaming hippies does it take to change a lightbulb? Change? You got some change man? Anything will help.

26. How many cubs fans does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just talk about doing it next year.

27. How many Basses does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’ll just complain that it’s too high for them to reach.

28. How many alcoholics does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to drink until the room spins.

29. How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A fish.

30. How many graphic designers does it take to change a lightbulb? I’m not changing a thing.

31. How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer to cry in the dark.

32. How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but he’ll take 6 shots at it.

33. How many Comcast employees does it take to screw in a light bulb? The only thing getting screwed is you.

34. How man sons does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but you have to ask him about 50 times.

35. How many Marxists does it take to screw a lightbulb? Pointless, a Marxist would refuse as they believe lightbulbs carry the seeds of their own revolution.

36. How many sorority girls does it take to change a lightbulb? One of ’em to get her boyfriend to do it.

37. How many Jedis does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just Wan.

38. How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb? Depends on what you want to change it into.

39. How many Dragonball-Z characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, but it takes 6 episodes!

40. How many satanists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They let the darkness reign.