7 Things I Wish I Knew About FWB Before Sleeping With Him
RomanceSex

7 Things I Wish I Knew About FWB Before Sleeping With Him

1. I wish I realized sleeping with him wasn’t going to convince him to date me. It wasn’t some cute, clever trick in order to win him over. Sleeping with him didn’t make him see me any differently. It didn’t change his mind about whether or not he wanted to date me. The only thing it did was help me fall even harder for him — and, despite everything I did for him, he didn’t fall at all.

2. I wish I realized how much sleeping with him would screw with me, mentally. Knowing he wanted to have sex with me but didn’t want to date me lowered my self-worth. It made me wonder whether the only good thing about me was my body. It made me question whether there was something wrong with my personality. I couldn’t wrap my mind around why he refused to enter a relationship, so I assumed I must have been doing something wrong.

3. I wish I realized sleeping with him was giving him exactly what he wanted — while sacrificing everything I wanted. There weren’t any benefits for me in our FWB relationship. The only benefit would have been if our situation led to a serious relationship, but that never happened. We stayed friends. Friends who saw each other naked. He might have been happy with that arrangement, but I was miserable ninety-nine percent of the time.

4. I wish I realized the phrase I’m not ready for a relationship right now is misleading. It doesn’t mean, if you stick around long enough, he’s going to turn around one day and decide to date you. Nine times out of ten, it means he’s not interested in dating you at any time. It means you don’t have a chance with him. It means you’re better off moving onto the next guy.

5. I wish I realized my standards should have been higher. I never should have settled for a situation that made me uncomfortable. The second he said he didn’t want a relationship, we should have parted ways. I should have searched for someone new. I shouldn’t have wasted so much time on someone who was never planning on keeping my heart.

6. I wish I realized he didn’t owe me anything for sleeping with him, because that was supposed to be the deal. It was my choice to get into a FWB relationship with him even though I knew he wasn’t interested in a real relationship. It was my choice to lie about how I could handle the situation. It was my choice to sleep with him again even though I cried over him the night before. He let me know how he felt from the start. Technically, I was the liar.

7. I wish I realized it’s better to stay alone, to stay single, then to get into a casual relationship when you’re secretly interested in something more. Unless you’re both on the same page about wanting something fun and short-term, then you should pass on being FWBs. You should stay single until you find someone who is excited to commit. TC mark

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January Nelson is a writer, editor, dreamer, and occasional exotic dancer. Her work has appeared on Facebook, ... Read more articles from January on Thought Catalog.