1. “Find a partner who loves you for who you are.”
Fuck that! Deep down I am very lazy, selfish, and hate cleaning. I have to work every day to be someone who worth building a life with. Instead, find someone who wants the best version of you, a version that always want to improve themselves.
2.“Treat people the way you want to be treated.”
Straight up bullshit. You don’t have to be kind to everyone, but do so until they did something that justifies you to treat them otherwise. Learn to put people in their place.
3. “In order to heal, you have to be able to forgive.”
Not only is that flagrantly not true, it also puts the victims of abuse in a weird position where they feel like they must forgive their abuser or else they’ll never be ok. It’s a really terrible idea to put into a trauma survivor’s head.
4. “You’re fine just the way you are.”
Sometimes you really aren’t. Sometimes you need a lot of improvement.
5. “Listen to your heart.”
If you’re a shitty person like I am, indulging your unhealthy impulses won’t end well for you so maybe using reason and logic in your descision making is much more beneficial than just doing whatever the hell you feel like.
6. “Quitters never win, winners never quit.”
Sometimes quitting and quitting early is the only way forward.
7. “Don’t go to bed angry.”
If I listened to this, I would never go to bed some nights. Sometimes fights just happen because people are tired and irritable. Sleep on it, you’ll often forget what you were so angry about last night.
8. “If you love them, let them go. If they come back to you, they’re yours.”
This made me normalize toxic relationships where I keep letting abusive people back into my life.
Also, theoretically, if you love something or someone why the hell would you let it go? You keep them safe, you make them happy. Fuck letting go.
9. ”Take a girl to a movie. It’s your first date? Even better. Go see a movie”
Never fucking do this. Never. I would rather play chess, than take a girl to see a movie on our first date.
10. “It’s better to whole ass one thing than to half-ass two things.”
One of the lessons I’m trying to teach myself is the value of half a job done. I don’t do things that NEED to be done because I was always taught you damn well do it right the first time – if you sweep the floor it better be completely and totally spotless when you’re done, for example. So if I don’t have the energy to get into every nook and cranny, I don’t sweep. And then my floor gets way grosser than if I’d just done it and done a crappy job.
11. “Don’t worry about what other people think! Just be yourself!”
This is stupid because not only is it telling you to ignore constructive criticism, it’s just plain WRONG. Like if everyone says your an asshole, you’re probably an asshole and you should work towards changing that! Don’t just ignore them.
12. “Don’t talk to strangers” is good advice when you’re a kid.
It’s terrible when you’re an adult because now you have no idea how to network with others.
13. “Treat yo’self.”
Wow I spent a lot of money on frivolous things thanks to this motto.
14. “Follow your passion and the money will follow”
Nope. Not every passion leads to economic stability, and turns out being super poor with no useful skills is a quick way to stress and depression.
Some passions are better as hobbies, or at least have a fallback skill set.
15. “You can talk to me about anything!”
Spoiler alert: no they can’t most of the time – not their fault per se, but it gets real annoying when people insist I can talk to about any problems I face then they get defensive when I point out something they don’t like
16. “(Loving) Relationships are difficult and you have to put in a lot of effort every moment to make them work.”
Many years stressing out in a terrible relationship thinking I just wasn’t working hard enough.
Nope. If it’s hard, you’re wrong for each other. Sorry.
17. “If you’re trying to get over someone, find a new person to sleep with.”
Warning side effects include: guilt, regret, hopelessness.
18. “If you don’t know what to take at University, just take whatever interests you!”
That’s a lot of time and money I am never getting back.
19. “If you’re stressed, take deep breaths!”
When you’re having a panic attack and hyperventilating, gulping huge breaths of air just makes your vision start to go black.
20. “Eat whatever you want. As long as you’re confident and you love yourself, your weight doesn’t matter!”
I became obese. Wildly unhealthy, with an unhealthy connection to food. Now a healthy weight and still fighting binge eating disorder. The Health at Every Size movement is harmful and promotes obesity. Obesity is unhealthy. Period.
21. “If someone offers you something for free, always take it.”
Nope. You just end up owing a lot of favors.
22. “You can’t take money with you when you die”
Ha! Yeah if I can get out of this debt hole I have dug… maybe I can actually live.
Save your money people!!
23. “Take the high road.”
Great advice for many situations but awful for others. Sometimes you need to set boundaries and speak your mind. Sometimes petty wins. You have to gauge what works for what situation.
24. “If they don’t like you, they’re just jealous.”
No. It’s okay for people not to like you. That’s how the real world works.
25. “You shouldn’t change for anyone.”
Um actually yes you should definitely change because sometimes the relationships we have with people will illuminate our dysfunctionality.
26. “Don’t take things so personal.”
Maybe you’re not taking it personally, maybe they’re just assholes. Hurt feelings are still validated feelings.
27. “It’s not you, it’s him/her.”
You’re single for a reason. I found out I was trying too hard which scared people off. Last first date I went on, I didn’t care about the texting or first date rules and didn’t filter what I said if a topic came up. She liked me for who I was and we’ve been going strong for a year now.
28. “Take things slow when talking to someone you like.”
Being upfront and honest is much better.
29. “Live like every day was your last!”
Great, there goes my savings account.
30. ”Just tell them how you feel! It can’t be that bad!”
It is bad, when you have barely had a real conversation with them.
Don’t do that kids. Get to know the person first.
31. “Stop looking for love, it will happen when you least expect it!”
I had to tell my mom to stop telling me this because it’s thoroughly bad advice.
32. “Company loyalty will pay off in the end, you just need to work hard.”
Reality: you need good interview skills for promotions and to be willing to change jobs if you’re not getting what you want from your current one.
33. “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.”
Really? I’ve always been a lot more affected by emotional rather than physical pain.
34. “Quit your job to travel! You’re only young once!”
Sounded great 6 months ago. Now that I’ve been unemployed for 6 months and no one will touch my resume with a 10 ft pole, it suddenly hit me that this is a terrible thing to encourage. RIP my career.
35. “If I can do it, you can do it.”
That’s nice, I’m not you. I don’t have the same genes, the same environment, the same memories, hormones, childhood, influences etc that you do.
So saying that means absolutely nothing.I get the sentiment, but more often than not, this just makes people feel worse when they agree, then try, then fail doing something someone who seemed like they were in a worse overall position was able to do.
36. “Masturbate before sex.”
It took way too long to finish. And that was because I finished myself.
37. “Don’t give a fuck what other people think”
…sometimes you kinda should.
38. “Fight fire with fire.”
Now there’s just more fire.
39. “Fake it til you make it.”
Sometimes that situation isn’t meant for you.
40. “Just move on.”
I had to confront him, glad I did.
41. “Just ignore bullies.”
It’s not that easy.
42. “Good things come to those who wait”.
43. “It’s just money….”
Until you have none and can’t do anything.
44. “Answer their questions with a question.”
That was a long, awkward interview.