1. Too much clinginess too early. Maybe they’re just eager, but maybe they have serious emotional issues going on. Most commonly they aren’t over their ex who recently dumped them and want an immediate replacement instead of putting work into self reflection.
2. Trash talking their exes. Not a dealbreaker, but definitely makes you pause and wonder about the whole ‘two sides to every story’.
3. If they lie about very insignificant things that it was not necessary to lie about in the first place. I get a white lie every once in a while, but if there’s just lots of lies and made up stories that are completely unnecessary it’ll be impossible for me to trust literally everything this person says. It’s a “yellow flag” in the beginning but if I confront them about it and it’s still an issue then it’s a red flag and I’m gone quicker than you can say “Are you calling me a liar?!?!”
4. Still talking to their exes. Depending on context flag color changes.
5. Smoking. If its done considerately, that its only a yellow flag. Done inconsiderately then its a red one.
6. If they’ll cancel plans with you because another friend wants to hang out. Once could be a special occasion or a close friend they haven’t seen in a while. Twice means they aren’t respecting you or your time (dealbreaker) and/or aren’t comfortable with you meeting their friends (for any number of reasons that are, in and of themselves, likely dealbreakers).
7. Something I’ve become a lot more conscious of on dates with men specifically is the give and take of the conversation. A lot of them are happy to answer questions and talk about themselves, but don’t ask questions in return. I started noticing it a few years ago and now I sort of use it as an indicator of how much they actually want to get to know me versus how much they just want to talk.
On a similar note, guys who want to hang out pre and/or post sex and feel the need to show me their favorite tv show/YouTube videos. I’m fine with having them share their interests with me! But rarely do they ask what my favorite tv shows/videos are or show interest in watching mine. Again, they kind of just want to show their interests and don’t care about the opinions of the person they’re with.
Both are kind of yellow flags — some guys only do it the first few dates, some do it consistently, but it’s something that I definitely pay attention to early on.
8 If every one of their failed relationships was the other person’s fault. The one you’re dating was never even slightly responsible.
The reason I say it’s a yellow flag is that some people just have incredibly shitty taste in partners, and it’s possible that in a naive pursuit of “love”, they got into a series of abusive relationships. This is especially true if they’ve been abused for a long time and are simply “trained” to seek out and remain in these kinds of relationships.
9. I call it “aggro-flirting” where they’re constantly jabbing at you and trying to play it off in a flirtatious way. It’s one thing if it’s like 2 times over the course of the night, but I’ve gone on dates with people where it seems like they’re looking for a weak spot or something. It’s not a deal breaker but it’s something watch out for definitely.
10. Doubting my interests. Just because I like something that I don’t look like I would like doesn’t mean you need to quiz me on it. Or tell me there’s no way I could like whatever it is.
11. That they’re unemployed and not trying too hard to get back into the field.
12. If you know their family and they suck. It’s not an immediate deal breaker because hey, most of us have shitty relatives and it’s not our fault but that yellow flag turns red really quickly if they continue to interact with and defend those shitty family members. Just proceed with caution until you know where they stand.
13. When they bring up ALL the business trips/ international conferences they’ve been in on the first date. Its usually a sign theyre insecure or that they don’t have a personality outside their job.
14. Lots of stories about how they were wronged for no reason at all. Everyone has been fucked over once or twice, but if they keep telling stories about they are a saint an everyone else is awful I tend to assume they aren’t telling the whole story.
15. Zero hobbies or interests. The relationship will become their hobby, and you can kiss yours goodbye.
16. Smart phone addiction. If they can’t go more than 2 minutes without checking their phone… well, that’s kind of a red flag, actually.
17. If they act different towards you when around their/your friends compared to how they are in private. That and when you go out together and they spend the entire day ignoring you or forget about you being there entirely.
18. Not liking the fact I still live with my parents. I’m 20, I don’t have enough money to move out.
19. Someone who likes to party and drink lots. Like I get it, it’s fun, but if you tell me this, and that’s all you talk about then nah fam. I’ll pass.
20. I met a guy and gave him my number and he called me 5 times in 1 day, instant turn off.
21. The ambiguous ‘off’ feeling that you can’t put your finger on. Even if they seem otherwise like a really lovely person. Trust your intuition.
22. Men who talk about our wedding on the first date. As well as kids, kid names, meeting parents etc.
23. When they keep bringing up astrology. I get it can be a fun hobby but I swear it’s like a religious cult for some people.
24. A very close relationship with his mother. It could be a good thing or a really really bad thing.
25. When they say they like their partner to be independent. Sometimes it means they just need introvert time, other times it means they only want the partner to be around when they want company.
26. When she cannot live without constantly calling, texting or skyping me every damn day, for the entire day, and getting upset if I dont humor her in a timely manner.
27. Excessive swearing. I don’t have a problem with swearing in general, but when it happens too often, it makes me think they’re trashy or an asshole
28. They go for a kiss on the first date. I’m not opposed to it, but it usually says a lot about them. This flag only works if it’s between two people with little to no prior history going on a date.
29. If she’s constantly the victim in all her stories, she will be the victim in your story too.
30. Two crazy exes. Most people have one. Three or more is a red flag, you either pick ’em crazy or make ’em crazy. Two could still be luck, or on the path to three.
31. When someone doesn’t know how to make a basic meal. It’s not a dealbreaker, but it does make me pause. Cooking is a pretty basic life skill, so if you can’t do something as simple as boiling spaghetti, I start to question your maturity a little.
32. If they’re repeatedly late or cancel last-minute.
33. When they get in my car and change the radio station.