Asexuality is difficult to explain because it is different for everyone. There are asexuals who experience emotional attraction and get into committed, loving relationships. There are asexuals who identify as aromantic who are not interested in sex or a relationship.
Sexuality is complicated. Even once you reach your twenties and thirties, you might not know which label to give yourself. You might still be struggling to figure out who you are.
If you’re not sure what to call yourself, here are some signs you might identify as asexual:
1. You can tell when someone is attractive — but you are not attracted to them.
You are able to tell whether someone is good looking. You are able to appreciate their strong cheekbones, silky hair, or six-pack abs. However, admiring their physical traits does not mean you are attracted to those physical traits. You are able to acknowledge their beauty without getting turned on.
2. You enjoy hugging and kissing, but you don’t want to take your physical affection any further.
Some asexuals enjoy being touched. They enjoy hugs. Massages. Cuddling. Kissing. Being asexual does not mean you are against every form of physical affection. You still enjoy the occasional bear hug. You just don’t want anything more intense.
3. You rarely develop crushes.
You are less obsessed with the idea of relationships than the rest of your friends. You aren’t the type to hook up with random strangers at bars. During the rare instances when you develop a crush on someone, it’s someone you know well. Someone you trust. Someone who is more than a pretty face.
4. You zone out when your friends talk about their hookups.
You don’t understand the hype about sex. When your friends complain about their dry spells, you cannot relate to their frustration. Going months without sex is not difficult for you. It is normal. If you are being completely honest, it is a relief.
5. You are bored by sex scenes.
You don’t get the point of long, elaborate sex scenes in movies. You would rather watch dialogue between a couple to see how well they get along than watch them make out in bed. In your mind, the way two people interact during a conversation is much more important than their chemistry in the bedroom.
6. Getting married isn’t your main goal in life.
You are happy without a relationship. You’re not sure if you’re ever going to fall in love and get married. You’re not even sure if you want those things. You are more concerned with your career, your family, and your friends. Romantic love is not high on your list of priorities. It might not even be on the list at all.
7. Sex does not cross your mind on a daily basis.
Sometimes, you forget how sex-crazed the rest of the world is because physical intimacy is not important to you. It is not something you think about on an average day. You have a lot on your mind at any given time — but sex is not one of those things.
8. You care more about personality than looks.
When you meet someone new, you are more concerned with the way they treat you than what they look like on the surface. That is because you are capable of getting emotionally invested in someone, but you are not capable of being physically attracted to them.
9. You could go the rest of your life without having sex, but that doesn’t mean you will.
You don’t have any real interest in sex. However, that does not mean you avoid it completely. While some asexuals abstain from sex, other asexuals have sex in order to please their partners. They might also masturbate because it makes them feel better. There is no ‘right way’ to be an asexual. Even though sex is not something you particularly want, you might have it anyway.
10. You feel different than everybody else.
Identifying as asexual can feel alienating because it’s not talked about enough in the media or in everyday conversations. However, asexuality is real. Asexuality is valid. You should not be ashamed of your asexuality. You should embrace it.