1. If you keep asking them to hang out or make plans for something but they ignore you, they stop responding to your texts, start calling you crazy because you got mad for their lack of communication, knowingly lie to you and or conveniently hide things from you. Won’t make time for you but expects you to be available for them anytime.
2. When the communication slows to a trickle. When you look up one day and realize ya’ll haven’t had a conversation beyond what to have for dinner or what movie to watch. It’s much more obvious when communication dies altogether. But when it slows to a trickle, when you notice it’s going, that’s when you should pay extra attention. But when you put in your best efforts to get the conversation flowing again, and they don’t reciprocate, that’s when the relationship is in real trouble.
3. When instead of getting excited to see their messages you get annoyed and/or feel smothered.
4. When you realize the most meaningful conversation you’ve had recently was “What’s for dinner?”
When in the last year, you’ve had the same amount of sex as a nun.
When you force a smile and pretend everything is okay in front of everyone.
When you realize if it wasn’t for the kids, you probably would have already left.
When you no longer care whether they notice you’re avoiding any free time with them.
When you find yourself “accidentally” falling asleep on the couch while watching TV so you don’t have to go to bed.
5. When you feel like you have to make excuses about your SO to others. (Why they do what they do. Why they said what they said etc.)
6. Knowing that your SO is physically in the room with you, but feeling that mentally, they are very far away from you…
7. Even fights are one sided. The other person just stops trying to resolve the issues.
8. When your SO seems totally disinterested in talking to you. You try to start a conversation and they just give you one word/one sentence answers.
9. When he/she no longer bothers to get upset or angry with you. It shows they have checked out and think of you as a stranger.
10. Being with them feels like an obligation, their quirks drive you away from them subconsciously, you’re only trying for the sake of keeping up a social veil of perfection.
11. You feel strongly about something but you don’t want to talk about it because you know it’ll just become an argument that won’t be resolved satisfactorily.
12. When they become non-commital on plans, especially those that involve reservations.
When the conversation seems less full than it used to be, as if you are just going through the motions of asking how each other’s day was.
When deep, personal conversations either remain more superficial than before or stay mired in prolonged unresolved conflict.
When they ask if you ever think about dating other people (not non-obvious, but how on Earth I missed that one is beyond me).
When their five-year plan changes vastly, seemingly out of the blue.
13. When one keeps finding a reason to leave the house … run non imperative errands, etc., without the other. Pretty much means they don’t want to be home… and or, in your company.
14. If something happens that you want to discuss with someone (get advice, share good news, sympathy for something, etc) and your SO is not the first person you want to go to, then the relationship is on its way out. Not necessarily if it happens once or twice, but if it happens frequently then they are not the person for you.
15. Eye-rolling when the partner talks; cutting them off in conversation; dismissing with sarcastic generalizations (“oh, as if you’d ever…”); belittling the partner when in the safety of groups. All these things are signs that the iceberg is dead ahead.
16. Indifference, even the possibility of breaking up doesn’t seem to phase them. They stare at you blankly as you cry your feelings of hurt out. Extreme defensiveness, and never offering a “real” apology, if any.
17. When you don’t see each other for a few days, and you’re not excited to get back together.
18. When you’re spending time with them and you’d rather be anywhere else. When conversations with them become dry and boring, that’s a big one too.
19. Just hanging out becomes a chore more than pleasure.
20. You find yourself not wanting to sleep next to them. You resent them and have things you want to resolve but know it won’t be well received. They skip out on things important to you. They expect you to care for them while sick, but when you are sick they do nothing for you. They don’t make you feel wanted or appreciated. You feel used and taken for granted. Sexual attraction dicipates. One of you starts sleeping on the couch randomly and often. You have a hard time getting the other to talk about anything. You feel a constant tension in the house. You start feeling like you live with a ghost that is haunting you and you can’t communicate with it.
21. You feel like there is nothing between the silence and the sex. You find yourself fighting and making promises far more than sticking to them. When you do something for your partner, you feel resentful rather than happy.
22. When their quirks that you used to find endearing now make you want to commit violence.
23. If you can’t be yourself or have hobbies that don’t include them. Run.
24. Looking forward to him being away/at work etc. Or me not looking forward to coming home.
25. Our sex life became less active, with both of us making excuses about being tired or stressed or otherwise not in the mood.
26. When one of you starts calling the other by their real name instead of the normal pet name. Usually an indicator of a loss of affection.
27. When they stop being interesting in conversations, don’t go too far out of their way to talk to you or show any care about your life, etc.
28. When your SO is happier when he’s with other people than when he is with you.
29. Friends generally pick up on it before the people in the relationship. When your pals can’t say anything nice, or shut up when your girlfriend/boyfriend walks in, or they are having pointed conversations questioning your judgement for dating this person, then that’s a bad sign. One friend, that might just be a fluke. Multiple friends, and you’re in a bad relationship.
30. When you get home from work at the end of the day and your spouse doesn’t want to hug you or even talk to you.
31. You’re the one initiating conversations, meetings etc. a lot more than your partner.
32. When your partner is often suspicious/accusing of you.
33. When breakup songs start making more sense to you than love songs.
34. When others talk about your SO to you, and you get a little exasperated, or a little wince/groan on your face when they say their name.
35. They start comparing you with past failed relationships.
36. When you start checking their Facebook account to see what they’re up to.
37. They stop saying the L-word.
38. Cute messages that feel obligatory.
39. Less physical contact.
40. When you start feeling nostalgia for the relationship you’re currently in.
41. Often, but not always, for romantic relationships is a difference in sexual preferences. For example, your partner wants sex less often than you and seems to avoid having sex/makes excuses, whether they are valid or not.
Along the same vein, avoidance in general. They always seem to have something that’s keeping them busy. Or they have previous obligations. They won’t answer their phone very quickly, or at all.
42. When you come home from work and instead of getting out the car right away you want to stay in your car longer.
43. When it starts to feel like a bottomless pit. No matter how much effort you put into it, things don’t improve and you get less and less back every day.
Alternatively, when you realize that you can’t problem-solve for shit when the two of you are together, even simple tasks that require nothing more than open communication. Relationships require work, but they also need to be functional. If basic incompatibility keeps the two of you from working together as a partnership, it’s fucking doomed.
44. Short replies and longish reply times.
45. If they start “bettering” themselves – going to the gym, taking classes, dressing more sharply. in a healthy relationship this is a wonderful thing obviously, but if things have been pretty grim for a while, this can be a pretty bad sign.
46. Only having sexual attraction when you’re drunk.
47. Silence and lots of it. When you start texting/calling each other less, it usually means your SO found someone new and exciting to talk to.
48. The brief terrifying, numbing thought of “is this going to be the rest of my life.”
49. When you take a trip together, and argue the whole time.
50. She didn’t want to put her name on the house we were about to buy. She still gave me money to help me get it, but she wouldn’t put her name on the mortgage. I forget the reason, but it went in one ear and out the other. It should have been a red flag, but I was naive. We were divorced one year later. She didn’t want that house with me because she was already thinking about leaving me.