1. That hinting and hoping are not effective methods of communication. If you want or need something, tell me, don’t just hint and hope.
2. That when I tell her she’s beautiful, I mean it.
The number of times I’ve heard, “you’re just blinded by love” or “you’re not objective” makes this very frustrating. Sorry that I’m not a third party test laboratory operating a double blind study!
3. Honestly, that we just handle situations differently. Neither you or I is “wrong”. Don’t expect me to completely change everything I have done forever. Compromise is the key. So if you want to vent about a problem and not have me try to solve it, just say “I need to vent for a few minutes” so I know you don’t want my help.
If you think that in a relationship we “should” be texting/calling/messaging X amount per week, let’s discuss what works for us both. Don’t just assume because I’m not meeting this magical number you prefer, that I don’t care.
4. Believe it or not we understand that sometimes people just want to complain instead of fix everything (I’d definitely say women are generally better at it though, men tend to be more task-oriented than they sometimes need to be). But when you complain ALL THE TIME about the SAME THINGS, we want to fix it because it wears on us to hear the same stuff day in and day out. I’m not gonna “just listen” to you complain about a simple headache if you say you have one at every opportunity, moan and groan while I talk, or get upset when I go do something else if you haven’t even had a glass of water or taken anything for it. That Parks and Rec episode with Anne whining was bullshit, even if the overall message was sound. She didn’t communicate with her obviously understanding partner and dumped all her shit onto her friends to the point where THEY solved her problem for her, and she was happy. So while she was bitching about not wanting her problem solved, she still wanted her problem solved.
Also, women are just as fucking dirty as men. I’m so sick of hearing about how men don’t clean while I trip over my girlfriend’s random stuff on the ground, throw out her expired food, and empty the dishwasher instead of filling up the sink. How many times have we been told to “hang on a sec” while women take 5 minutes to clear out all the shit from their passenger seat?
5. I’m just as, if not more, insecure as you are and my insecurities aren’t any less real just because I’m a guy.
6. Having the room completely dark for sex is about 85% less fun.
7. “What are you thinking about?”
Literally nothing. I am actually just sitting here breathing and nothing more.
8. That being straightforward about your intention romantically doesn’t work. I had a girl at work asking me why a guy she liked can’t just come out and say he likes her.
That’s because he’s probably done it and been unsuccessful a triple digit number of times.
9. Love isn’t going to just “find” me. You are an incredibly attractive woman, different potential loves are actively hunting you down. It’s not the same for me.
10. Know how you feel when the asshat auto mechanic talks down to you about your vehicle ?
Same shit happens to men and we hate it as much as you do. Examples taking a child to the grocery store with you, doing laundry when family are over, taking the lead to clean up after dinner and worst of all…. spending time with children.
These are all my personal observations and might not represent the entire population of men.
11. Just how we’re far more complex than general male stereotypes and perhaps many of us behave in stereotypical ways because that’s how society expects us to act.
12. When I’m in a foul mood, I may not actually know why I’m in this mood. It could just be hunger. It could be something happened at work that affected me in a way I’m not entirely sure of.
When I’m asked, “what’s wrong” there may not be a legitimate answer. I may not even realize I’m in a mood. If I answer “I don’t know”, that may be a completely accurate answer. Pushing further just makes me question every thought and feeling I can recall over the entire day and send me into a spiral because I just don’t know.
13. That talking out a problem isn’t exclusively for when you want to talk about it. I’ve known a fair number of men whose girlfriends/wives think it’s okay to push them into a conversation but will sit resolute and quiet when the man wants to really talk about a thing.
14. That we’re not a hivemind.
That it’s possible for men to become romantically interested in friends later on down the road instead of only ever being the result of a guy deliberately trying to befriend a woman in order to trick her into a relationship.
That they’ll have to ask the man in question when it comes to specific situations where speculation isn’t helpful.
15. Men have little to no physical control over their dicks. Not getting it up for you or getting one in public does not mean I am not attracted to you.
16. Everyone on this sub likes to say things like “use your words, signals are lost on us,” but there is more to it than just “guys are oblivious.” We’re not oblivious, we’re cautious. For every story you hear about a guy missing an obvious non-verbal clue from a woman, there are ten more about a guy acting on a seemingly obvious signal and being completely wrong about it.
17. Language is an imprecise set of tools. Just because I used a word in a way you may not have, doesn’t mean you need to go digging to find the most negative meaning possible. We weren’t trained to be manipulative, and the majority of us are straightforward at almost all times
18. I’m tired of explaining why I don’t want to text all fucking day. Look, I’ve got shit to do. Between school, work, the day-to-day bullshit of living (laundry, cleaning, etc) and socializing, I don’t want to spend half my day on the phone replying to your texts because you’ll get upset if I don’t. It’s exhausting. Also, if I’m texting you 24/7 then wtf are we gonna talk about when I see you? How can I ever miss you when you’re always in my pocket? For that matter, how can you even miss me? A few texts throughout the day is fine. Little love note type shit, I’m cool with that. I’ll send those, too. Just please, for the love of god, understand that I’m a busy man with shit to do and that I can’t/don’t want to be on my phone all the time.
19. “You pick the place” is super annoying when it comes down to deciding where to eat. We can’t keep track of all your unapproved restaurants, and don’t wanna spend 30 minutes listing every single place while you give a reason not to go there
20. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I would have sex with you “because all guys want sex.”
21. That the default experience for a lot of men is being utterly invisible to the opposite sex unless something is wanted from them. So when you think you are just being nice or friendly, they think you are interested in them. Because you might be the first woman who’s treated them like an actual human being in over a year.
I’ve had to explain this to so many women who don’t understand why when they tried to befriend the kind of awkward guy at their company, he immediately developed a crush on them and thought they were interested.
The worst was my friend who thought that was kind of “cute” and decided to throw some pity pussy his way. I really don’t think that was helping.
22. My silence doesn’t mean there’s something wrong.
23. Exactly how much rejection I as a man have to take. I’m not saying that women don’t know how rejection feels but if they had to take as many rejections as the average man then they would understand how crushing it can be and how difficult it is to shake off. So when the subject of meeting women and dating comes up, saying to me that I “just have to be more confident” is a very big ask.
24. When I say I don’t want children. It doesn’t mean I think you can change my mind if we date long enough.
25. Physical cheating without emotional cheating hurts just as much. I don’t know why some women think physical cheating isn’t as bad as emotional cheating but it is.
26. Bitch remove your hair from the shower! How hard is this?!?!?!
27. A sexless relationship isn’t a relationship to me, so when I say I want to break up, stop trying to stop me from leaving.
I seriously can’t understand why a woman wants to stay in a sexless relationship. It’s nothing but a business arrangement or just friends at that point.
28. I’m tired of playing games. If you’re not interested that’s fine.
29. Not all men are arrogant, self-absorb frat boys (the stereotypical kind). Plenty (I’d hazard most) of us deal with the same insecurities, the pressure of attaining the same unrealistic shit in advertising and media. As a matter of fact, plenty of men deal with a bunch of other problems not dissimilar from women’s. I’m pretty small and meek. I get talked over, ignored, opinions not being considered. I’m afraid of being assaulted. Mental health in men is seldom taken seriously. People unironically say men can’t be sexually assaulted. And on an on and.
30. For the last time, morning wood does not mean I’m thinking of other women!
31. Expensive engagement diamonds are dumb and you only want one for your own vanity.
32. That if there’s something wrong, tell us there IS SOMETHING FUCKING WRONG. Or we’re gonna get tired of asking, or tired of caring.
33. Women truly cannot fathom how little attention or barebones compliments most men get.
34. Just because we’re talking it doesn’t mean that we’re going to end together. I wanna see what kind of person you really are before I commit. If I stopped talking to you it means I’m not interested.
It’s not me being afraid of commitment. I’ve just learned to take my time and see ppl for who they really are, and not jumping into a relationship after a few weeks only to find out we’re totally wrong for each other.
35. You are not the only one who is objectified.
36. No, I’m not gay just because I’ve never been in a relationship at my age. Everyone has to start somewhere.
37. I don’t want to discuss in depth issues and friend drama at 11:34pm. I want to sleep.
38. That I’ll clean up when I finish cooking. If you want to clean everything you drop/stain/smudge when you do it, that’s your choice, but if I’m cooking I’ll first cook, then clean, there’s no need for drama over this.
39. There’s no difference between playing video games and watching Netflix. You watch a screen for hours.
40. You’re not too good to approach a man and that stigma can burn in the eternal fires of hell. I was at the train station this past Saturday and I heard the mom telling her 30 something year old daughter to go after some guy because she knew she was super into him and he wasn’t getting her subtle hints. Verbatim…the daughter said, mom, women don’t chase men. He needs to chase me. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud and got a dirty look from her and a smirk from the mom. Guess that girl is gonna be single into her 40’s complaining about Mr. Perfect not picking up on her shitty hints. So stupid.
41. No, you can’t beat your bf/husband.
42. If you’re a picky eater and we both know it then when I ask you where you want to eat don’t throw the question back to me. I will eat pretty much anything and enjoy it as long as the food is good. Hell I’ll probably even be fine if the food isn’t good.
My solution to this is to narrow it down by suggesting kinds of food: Italian, Greek, Japanese, Thai? And then I’ll just either Google a place and pick whatever is near with the highest rating or just go somewhere of my choice in the type of food she wants. But even then she’ll sometimes toss the question back to me and I’ll have to say “we both know you’re picky and I’ll eat anything so just tell me which of these sounds best to you right now and then I’ll pick from there”
43. That guys are aggressive with each other and they don’t need to try and change that. We like it.
Doesn’t mean just physical – my buddy and and I get pretty verbally competitive and both enjoy the shit out of jousting with each other. His wife always chimes in with something about enough male aggression and that we should stop. I get that she doesn’t like it, so thats cool we can tone it down around her… but from another room? FFS let guys be guys.
44. That sometimes their flaws are endearing.
45. That men also have issues. It’s like every time you mention something that seems to mainly be centered around men, women will bring up “well women have it worse.”
It’s not a fucking competition. Men deal with shit too.
Women are really really good at getting attention for issues that are important to them, partly because they drown out men who speak up about issues that affect men.
Men who bring up how most homeless people are men, most people who commit suicide are men and super majority of people in prison are men, are often told to shut up and that men deserve it.
You are made to feel like you are making excuses for criminals and homeless drunks.
It gets exhausting spitting out stats when women don’t give a shit about them.
46. That using words like mansplaining and manspreading instead of “being condescending” or “being inconsiderate” is actively harming the progress of egalitarianism.
I don’t care how tired you are of gender bias. I am tired too. The way you fight a battle is the way you define your power, and if you’re going to used sexist gendered rock throwing, then you’re a troglodyte. It doesn’t really matter the cause that you’re championing. It’s your own words and actions that define what you’re advancing.
47. We cannot read minds.
48. No, I’m not secretly unhappy being single. I value my freedom and financial comfort. I’ve worked hard for it. Stop trying to bachelor shame me.
49. My friends who are women will complain about not understanding if a guy is just using them for sex or not and that guys have it so much easier because they don’t have to worry about that. Turns out, guys DO have to deal with that except instead of sex, it’s money, material items, social status etc. People being manipulative and selfish isn’t endemic to one gender. The only difference is it changes forms for both sides.
50. That listening to complaints from someone who is literally just complaining and not looking for help solving the problem is tedious and exhausting.
A common complaint I hear from women is that guys always try to solve their problem rather than just listen. I get that what they want is their determination to make, and that they are allowed to simply want to vent. That’s a normal human thing. However:
Compassion fatigue is real.
I know you are just as capable as me when it comes to solving them and don’t need my help. Me offering suggestions is not me telling you that you need my help. I’m just trying to be helpful.
I am trying to solve your problem because I want you to not have to deal with it again because I want you to be happy.
It’s unclear when you’re venting and when you’re looking for help unless you specify. And I look like a dick if I ask.
It’s kind of annoying to hear a solvable (to me) problem but not see any solution ever attempted.
It’s tiring to be a sounding board when you’re not the type of person to need one.
I am not always in the mood to hear about your problems even if you don’t want me to help you deal with one.