1. The most underrated part of my divorce was all the relationship knowledge and experience I walked away with. I learned a lot about my own needs, what not to do’s and SO MANY new skills from the marriage counseling we attended that can be applied to future relationships.
2. For me? That first night you arrive home to your new place and realise you actually wanted to come home. No more staying at work late when you didn’t really need to or driving to the beach to avoid going home.
3. Reset. You get to reset and rebuild your life like you are 22 and just finished college. I quit my job and everything. While the heartache and financial ruin sucked, it was a very free time for me after filing for bankruptcy. I went on road trips with the dog and worked part time for years. It was a great life.
4. Literally everyone else in your life going “Fucking finally dude” has really helped validate the situation. Even if it makes the choice to remain friends with her a little awkward.
5. Could breathe freely again after years. It was an actual physical feeling.
6. The very first morning I was finally alone and freed from an abusive relationship I was able to simply go to the store. That’s the first thing I did, was I went to the store. I didn’t have to ask for permission, or have her force herself to come with me, I just walked out the door, got in the car, and went to the store. It was a Target. I looked at furniture. I was able to look left and look right without fear of being accused of looking at another woman.
So I guess the most underrated part was being able to do the most mundane, ordinary thing.
7. For me it was dropping my control issues. They vanished when I got divorced and don’t exist in my current relationship. When someone consistently cant get their shit together, or be relied on for the basics… leave them.
8. A chance at real love. Someone who actually values you.
No it’s not the easy way out. It was by far one of the hardest decision ive had to make. It’s easier to keep doing the same thing over and over. To just push through the misery.
9. I set a budget and don’t have to worry about money anymore. There’s no one who thinks it’s fine to empty our checking account without being interested in how the bills get paid. I ended up with a lot of the debt in the divorce, but I still feel like I’m financially free!
10. For me, it was not worrying about someone else’s happiness because no matter what, he was in a bad mood. I remember feeling like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
11. The truth? Being a divorcee has some cachet.
Yes, I was humiliated at first to have had a failed marriage, I had dreams of true love and all that crap… plus staying married is a real achievement.
But once I recovered from the embarrassment and re-partnered I found that I enjoyed telling people that I had been married before.
I like being a divorcee partly for that reason, no one talks about it, but there is a certain worldliness in that.
12. The anxiety butterflies in my stomach are finally gone.
13. I can actually sleep now. No more feeling like I have to sleep with one eye open after realizing I was married to a psycho. It’s an amazing thing to feel safe again.
14. I was married young and was with my ex right out of highschool. I never really lived on my own. It is really underrated to live on your own. I am my own man. I rely on me and only me. To be independent is very fulfilling.
15. Not having to worry about making mistakes and feeling like a failure. When something happens and I have a reason but not good enough for spouse having nothing else to say and then feeling like a failure again.
16. Not feeling the pressure of making up excuses about my ex’s behavior/moods. It’s nice to see family and friends without having to cater to his needs to make him happy enough to stay for at least an hour.
17. Having sex with someone new. I’m sorry, but this was true for me!
18. You get to divorce your mother-in-law, too!
19. You get to disappear. I can go for a drive, do anything I want, and not have to tell anyone, or have anyone know where I am or what I’m doing.
20. The underrated part is that divorce is a good thing. If one or two people weren’t willing to make it work then they shouldn’t be married. Any time a relationship ends it is a positive thing, ultimately. Divorce should be celebrated.
21. Never having to poorly lie about where the bruises came from. I’ve never been clumsy. I didn’t run into a door, or a tree branch, or a wall. I ran into his fist, sometimes while I was asleep. Never having concussions, or getting knocked out, or having seizures from head trauma that “i was making up” Never apologizing for slights i hadn’t committed, never having to guess why I’m getting hit or why i need to apologize to avoid the abuse.
22. I threw out almost everything in the house and started over. New couches, chairs, tables and wall art. The clothes she left behind, her toiletries, her snacks, everything. Especially the master bedroom stuff.
I didn’t sell any of it, I just donated what I could and started over. It meant sleeping in a sleeping bag on a bunch of blankets for a few lonely nights and a slight hit to my credit to finance basically an entire house of furniture but to me that was worth the small jump in monthly expenses and I don’t have to lay there and think about what she did in our bed and on our couch. That shit’s gone and she’s someone else’s problem now.
It felt like a new house and a new start and it’s been great.
23. This sounds crude, but not having to hide porn anymore.
Every girl since has been from ‘eh’ to my current girlfriend who will actually show ME porn.
But the issue was my ex wife strait up considered porn cheating. As in equal to a physical affair. And I’m sorry but I cannot agree with that. So hiding something that so many people think is fine was stressing.
Edit: Funny thing is my muscle memory is still set to minimize tabs when my gf walks in. And she she catches me she makes me pull them back up to see if it’s any good.
24. My wife constantly asks how I’ve learned to be such a conscientious partner. I learned it from trying to please my increasingly unappreciative first wife.
After it became clear she wasn’t going to return to being an equal and caring partner, I called it quits and found someone who is.
25. The rebuilding of self. I really felt broken and terrified when I left my ex. Now, happily married with two kids, I am a completely different person in some aspects. There is a kind of validation that cant be denied when you realize that you did the right thing.
26. For me, my divorce and all the ensuing problems and fights with my ex has made me appreciate my current partner so much more. I guess it’s a life experience thing.
27. Peace and quiet.
28. The freedom. Wanna know who had to consult with when I wanted a new car? No one. How about my new home, who did I have to compromise with on the features? No one.
Last time I went to see a movie I didn’t want to see? Eat a restaurant I didn’t want to go to? When I was married.
29. I don’t have to worry that when I die this dick head will get all of my estate.
30. The first little bit of time after it happens, right after you’ve officially moved out and gone your separate ways… even though things feel so heavy there’s also this feeling of pure excitement at the unknown. Knowing it’s you and only you, no other person to rely on. That there’s opportunity everywhere for things to get better. Being free of something that weighed you down, and free to plan your next move with only yourself in mind.
31. No longer being with someone who doesn’t love you anymore. When it becomes obvious to you that they like you but don’t love you, that was the worse realization.
32. I can decorate as I see fit – I no longer have to ask him for his preference or opinion.
I can (and did) go back to school to start the career I’ve always wanted.
I no longer have the responsibility of making him happy and I no longer have to make sure other people like him.
I am my own person – something I haven’t been since I was 19. I get to be free.
33. Not having his clutter everywhere, and his passive-aggressive demands that constantly I tidy up after him even though we both worked full-time.
Now any messes are my messes, and cleaning the house is WAY easier. He used to come home and just leave his shoes in the middle of the living room, where they’d eventually grow to a pile unless I moved them. Not having a fucking pile of shoes in the middle of the main room for everyone to trip over (and the accompanying resentment because what the fuck) is glorious.
Oh, and being able to just have crackers or cheese or some snacks for dinner instead of being expected to whip up a daily three-course masterpiece when I’m tired (because if I didn’t cook a full plated dinner of something he personally wanted to eat, his only remedy was to order extremely expensive delivery we couldn’t really afford) is also pretty boss.
34. The entire bed is yours!
35. All that extra closet space.
36. Getting to live on my own terms again without asking anyone for their input. Want to go to a movie before work? Don’t have to invite anyone. Want to go to the beach on a moment’s notice? No schedules to coordinate. It’s dope.
37. Waking up on a Saturday morning — AND ITS MINE TO DO WHATEVER I WANT.
38. My cutlery drawer and other kitchen organization. Little spoons stack together facing one way, large spoons stacked facing the opposite way. Then forks, then knives, from left to right. Glasses and mugs always put away in the exact same spot, facing the same direction, spaced the way I do it. Everything is predictable. It’s not something that I ever brought up but it was frustrating when he put things away haphazardly and I’d have to find the friggin can opener in different drawers every time.
39. Your spouse not spending all of your money.
40. Being single in general is total freedom. You don’t have to worry about another person’s feelings. You go where you want, eat where you want, play the same song on repeat. I’ve been single for 7 years. The thought of going back to have to give a shit about someone else and their bullshit doesn’t sound like fun at all.
If you have kids, and your ex isn’t a piece of shit, you can have moments of feeling single without kids if you’re splitting custody.
41. It frees you up to try new pursuits you didn’t do because you were married. My ex husband’s job kept me from going back to college because we couldn’t move to the area with the school that had the program I want to pursue. Now I’m applying for Cherokee citizenship and hoping to move to Cherokee Nation and be with my people which is something I never could have dreamed of while married to him.
42. I have married friends and coworkers, and pretty often they will say things like, “I gotta check with the wife” or “I have to go to xyz with wife” or something like that, and I’m like, I’m gonna sit around and binge watch a show (that my ex would probably hate) and do whatever the hell else I want… that’s nice.
43. Getting time for myself. I love my kids, and miss them when they’re with their dad but having a week to reset, workout, sleep, and go to work without having to take care of anyone else is really nice.
44. Losing the anxiety of that feeling I had to walk on eggshells all the time.
45. A chance to start over. My ex was emotionally abusive, cheated on me constantly, and had a narcissistic personality.
Finding someone that treats me like a human being, and actually cares about me and makes sure that I know it… 100% worth all the bullshit I put up with in my previous marriage and all the heartache and anxiety from my divorce.
46. The do-over aspect.
Divorced people have this strange advantage of having experience. They know what worked and what didn’t work and can apply that to their next relationship or marriage.
47. I get to create the home I want. My ex never cared about anything I wanted to do in the home, he had no opinion. He just didnt want to create “our” home.
Now that he is gone, I get to create a cozy, wonderful and whacky home for me and my boys. It feels wonderful!
48. The realization that “Right now, I could go anywhere, and there’s no one to consult before I go.”
49. That day you’re driving along I-70 about 110 miles outside of Denver and you realize that after all that grief you went through trying to hold the marriage together, maybe the divorce wasn’t such a terrible thing after all. That maybe you’re happier than you thought you’d be.
50. The most underrated part of divorce for me was having the fridge organized exactly how I wanted it, so I could grab things without looking. I’m tall, and the fridge was a smaller one, so I had to get down on a knee to see everything. Having it laid out specifically helped me out, but my ex-wife never even attempted to do the same. Having my stuff exactly where I need it to be is wonderful.