Here’s How To Tell If Someone Really Loves You, Based On Their Attachment Style



They take a risk.

Securely attached people are the healthiest of the four, and because they often find themselves comfortable in relationships, you know they care when they start taking risks – whether that’s to be with you, or stay with you.

They also express their love with presence – they are loyal, caring, and show up for the people they love. You can count on them to be the most transparent about their intentions: if they like you, you will know. If they don’t like you enough, they’ll refrain from making things official, or will explicitly say they only want to be friends. Securely attached people don’t usually require a “testing” period, or time in which they need to become comfortable with you. They’re either all in, or all out. You’ll almost always know where they stand.


They spend all of their time with you, and always comment about how “comfortable” they are doing so.

People with avoidant attachment fear “dismissal,” as they think that something they do, or something you could discover, would make you not love them anymore. Be this as it is, they tend to limit their time with people: they need to go back to being alone for periods of time because that feels “safe” to them. There’s no risk of someone withdrawing affection. If someone with an avoidant attachment really loves you, they won’t need that break though. They’ll open up and let you see all of them, because the fear of doing so will finally not be more powerful than how much they want you in their lives.


They frequently ask for reminders that they are loved.

People with an anxious attachment grew up with their needs being met inconsistently. This caused them to develop a deep mistrust for people. In their relationships – both romantic and platonic – they tend to oscillate between being too clingy, and too detached. However, if someone with an anxious attachment really does love you, they’re going to need to know that you love them. Whether they’re conscious of it or not, they don’t feel comfortable expressing their love without knowing for sure that it’s reciprocated. They see it as an emotional investment, and the more they’re putting in, the more they will fear to lose.


They commit.

People with disorganized attachments have the hardest time adjusting to life in a relationship, and often find themselves re-creating the detrimental patterns of their past. Despite this being the case, when they truly find the person they love, they commit to making it work, no matter how hard it gets. Ironically enough, these are the people who understand the significance of love more than anybody else, and when they find someone with whom they are ready to build a life, they don’t let that go, even if it requires them to do a lot of work on themselves to save it. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.

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