17 Differences Between A ‘Lover’ And A ‘Life Partner’

Kyle Everett Smith
Kyle Everett Smith

1. You don’t try to figure out whether or not you’re soulmates – you’re too busy becoming soulmates.

2. You’re both ready. The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing, and what mostly determines whether a relationship will work is whether or not both people are ready for it to.

3. You don’t think about it as much as you live it – overthinking a relationship is what happens when you have to dig for proof that it’s not doomed.

4. You want the same things in the long-term. It doesn’t matter how convinced you are that you’re meant for one another, if one person wants kids and the other doesn’t, if one person wants to commit and the other doesn’t, if one wants to live somewhere the other doesn’t, etc., all the conviction in the world won’t save it.

5. You don’t find yourself trying to piece together “evidence” that they love you. You don’t have so much subconscious doubt that you feel you need to prove it to yourself, or anybody else.

6. You can voice your concerns about the relationship. The first and best way to determine whether or not a red flag is a deal-breaker is to see whether or not you can talk to the person about it.

7. Your fears are irrational. (For example: you’re not afraid that it will fall apart because they say they don’t want to commit, you’re afraid you’ll lose them – even though they say they love you – because losing people you love is scary.) This sounds totally backwards, but if your fears are more irrational, it’s better: they’re not based in reality.

8. If you stripped away the sexual part of your relationship, you’d still be best friends.

9. They redefine what you thought your “type” was more than they fit into what you thought you always wanted.

10. You’re more loved in the ordinary, everyday moments than you are when you’re going out or trying to impress them.

11. You’re not necessarily completely certain, but you are absolutely willing to see whether or not you can become certain over time.

12. Even if it moves quickly, you don’t feel rushed into anything. There’s a difference between committing because you feel strongly about one another and committing because you’re so unsure you want something stable.

13. You’re happy on your own. You could continue to be happy on your own, even if you lost this person and your heart was broken. This is to say: you are not clinging to this person because you’re just terrified of being alone.

14. You actually want to spend time with them. A lot of time. This means you like the relationship more than you like the idea of the relationship.

15. You’re comfortable around them, you want to be yourself, and let them into your life as it is, not an inflated version you assume they’d prefer. What you want is connection and intimacy, not an ego boost.

16. You feel more at peace than you do anything else. At the core of your relationship is a very calm knowing, not a hectic need to “figure it out.”

17. You’re not looking for reasons to write it off – you’re looking for ways to make those things work. Your focus isn’t on why it shouldn’t be, it’s on how it can become. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. She writes about astrology, games, love, relationships, and entertainment. January graduated with an English and Literature degree from Columbia University.

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