29 Absurdly Bleak Thoughts You Have After You Turn 25

Life isn’t always a Pinterest motivational quote. There are good days smushed in with the bad days. Nothing is ever one thing. And, life gets VERY real all at once and what you thought would be right within your grasp, becomes a distant flicker in the distance. It’s okay. IT’S ALL OKAY… I think? I hope!
Parks & Recreation
Parks & Recreation

1. I just keep downsizing my big dreams. My dreams are like those Russian nesting dolls and they keep shedding outer layers until the only thing that’s going to be left is the little runt in the middle.

2. I need french fries.

3. *turns on the news* EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.

4. *goes on Twitter* EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT HOW TERRIBLE EVERYTHING IS.

5. *goes on Facebook* WHY IS EVERYONE I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH SUDDENLY ILLITERATE?

6. I used to be so optimistic about my future, but now I just feel… dread. I’m so afraid and so alone and I am not being dramatic at all.

7. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing with my life and I am letting down my younger self who had so many hopes and dreams. So many hopes and dreams!

8. Seriously, my past is like a graveyard of all my hopes and dreams.

9. Ok, so, at this point, there is no possible or conceivable way I can have everything I want.

10. When people said, “anything was possible,” what did they mean by that? It feels very much like nothing at all is possible that they said was going to be possible. Am I doing life wrong?

11. No, but seriously: AM I DOING LIFE WRONG?

12. I am too young to be this devoid of hope. What is happening to me? Is this normal?

13. Honestly, why didn’t anyone tell me that being responsible is the biggest fucking buzzkill ever?

14. WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS DISHES TO DO AND ERRANDS TO RUN? WHEN DOES THE MADNESS END!

15. I remember being young and hopeful that I can change the world. Now I’m like, well, maybe I can change the life of one person and that might have to be good enough.

16. As much as I might want to, I really can’t just sell all my stuff and move to New Zealand or Thailand or Prague. Technically, I guess I could, but I would have to set my entire life on fire in order to do so.

17. Being an adult is too real. Way too goddamn real.

18. Why do I suddenly feel so trapped? I used to be so free! But, now I have a car payment. And, debt! Because I was stupid in my youth and thought that I could just spend without consequence. Fun times for past me. Not so fun times for present me. And, really fucked up times for future me. Good luck getting approved for a mortgage on this credit.

19. Mortgage! Kids! HOWWWWWWWW.

20. Did my parents just grow up faster than me? Why do I feel like they were way more well-adjusted and capable at my age than I am?

21. I don’t understand how people have time to do anything. Is growing up just fully realizing and accepting you’ll be exhausted all the time?

22. The pressure to work full time, hang out with friends, eat healthy, work out, and somehow find time to do the things I actually enjoy doing like maybe write a novel is just too great. This pressure will kill me before the french fries I’m NOT eating will.

23. What if all that optimism I had in my youth was simply because I was young and didn’t know any better?

24. Pinterest is the most annoying website because all it does is show me how inadequate I am. STOP TELLING ME TO CHOOSE HAPPINESS. YOU CHOOSE HAPPINESS YOU ASSHOLE.

25. Why do people keep telling me that my life is outside of my comfort zone? I like my comfort zone. It’s comfortable as fuck in here!

26. So, wait, there are people in this world who are my age and also saving money to do things like buy houses and go on vacations?

27. My best friend right now is wine.

28. Is this all there is? Is this life?

29. Who have I become? I am bleak. Help. Is this my quarter life crisis? It better be, otherwise I’m losing my mind and something might actually be wrong with me. I need french fries and wine. These two things are my only two true loves. I need nothing else in life except french fries and wine. TC mark

Jamie Varon

Writer • Hit me up: Twitter & Facebook

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