Forgive Me, First Love

I’m sorry, first love, that I got tired of loving you. Forgive me for putting all the blame on you when everything was falling apart. I was selfish to think that I was the only one hurting.

I’m sorry, first love, for quietly accepting your faults and shortcomings. I didn’t give you the chance to improve yourself, because truthfully, I wasn’t ready to fix myself either.

Forgive me, first love, for I wasn’t brave enough to accept that I wasn’t the one for you. I refused to believe that I couldn’t help you become the best version of yourself. I was too scared to let you go.

And I am sorry, first love, because despite the amount of love I had for you, which I passionately screamed at the top of my lungs for people to hear, I still painted you as the villain in our love story. I didn’t realize that my pain was causing me to hate you.

I don’t hate you. I truly loved you. I forgive you.

You don’t have to say you’re sorry for me to forgive you, first love. I now fully understand that for me to move on from the pain, I need to surrender and let go of the hate. I am done retelling the ugly parts of our narrative.

I forgive you, first love, for not being able to love me the way I wanted you to. I accept that my expectations shouldn’t have discounted your efforts. I understand that you tried your best. We just have different ways of making our love felt.

I forgive you, first love, for choosing to build your future without me. I have accepted that your tomorrows are meant to be shared with the right person. I just wasn’t the one for you.

And I forgive you, first love, for deciding to hurt me when you did because that was the only way you knew how to finally let go of me. I now know that it wasn’t easy for you either. I now understand that in the process, you were hurting too.

Our love wasn’t perfect, first love, but I believe it was right. We started beautifully and had to end painfully because we needed that motivation to be worthy of our happily ever after, even if it doesn’t place us in the same story.

So, with that, I just want to tell you, my first love, that I am happy again. I am thankful that through you, I learned to love better.

It’s time for me to finally close this chapter without any bitterness. So, for the last time, I am sorry, and I forgive you, first love.