Are You On This Absurdly Gigantic List Of People Going To Hell?

Hellfire awaits. Hellfire awaits.

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Evangelistic Christians seem to have all agreed on a full-proof recruitment technique — telling people they are hell-bound. I mean, it worked for hundreds of years, why wouldn’t it work now? Not a month goes by that I don’t walk through my old college campus and see some old guy screaming at the top of his lungs, holding signs, about how everyone he sees is going to hell.

And it’s sad, because like, this isn’t what Christianity is about today for billions (i.e. most) followers of that religion, including me.

Like, how many people have been converted to a religion because of a sign? Can you reply in the comments of this article if you have been? I’d be interested — because as of right now I know of exactly nobody who has been convinced to change religions because of a paper sign that told them they were destined for eternal damnation. I have seen people be converted to different faiths when met with kindness, love, and support. But what do I know?

Anyway, here’s one of the infamous signs. This sign is particularly hilarious because, well, you’ll see…

Twitter
Twitter

In case you can’t see, here are all the people who are damned to hell (according to this sign):

  • Fornicators (people who have sex outside marriage)
  • Drunkards (people who have been drunk)
  • Thieves
  • Abortionists (people who have made health decisions for themselves)
  • Idolators (people who have ever envied someone)
  • Foul-mouthed (people who cuss)
  • Liars
  • Greedy preachers (????)
  • Democrats
  • Gangster rappers (rap is how the devil gets inside you)
  • Freemasons (whyyyy?)
  • Masturbators
  • Cigarette smokers
  • Porno-freaks (what is THIS)
  • White Supremisists (def spelled wrong, but I can appreciate this one I guess)
  • “Little Monsters” (??????)
  • Hypocrites
  • Metal-heads
  • Murderers
  • Homos (in extra bold because we are cute AF)
  • Pot-heads
  • Immodest women
  • Whores
  • Lesbians
  • Catholics (??????????????)

Hellfire awaits. Hellfire awaits.

God, reading this list was exhausting. Is anyone left? Is anyone going to heaven? Thought Catalog Logo Mark