I’m still trying to figure out what getting over you looks like. I’m starting to wonder if I will just reach an “a-ha” moment when suddenly, it clicks, and I don’t think about you. I’m waiting for clarity. I’m waiting for a new love to come to sweep me off my feet so I’m no longer left with the memories of you. I’m waiting for a second chance at love. I’m waiting for you to come back and give me the closure I’ve been begging for. I’m waiting to get over you. I’m waiting to move on; I’m waiting to forget you.
I don’t want you stuck in my thoughts anymore. I don’t want to wrap around your finger anymore. I just want to be able to look into the eyes of new lovers and share with them all of the corners of my heart I couldn’t share with you. I’m sick of the midnight memories, and the desperate pleas to make contact with you.
I know that you aren’t coming back. No matter how I rephrase the story or try to think of the variables, I know that that was the end for us. There isn’t going to be another chance, another time together, or another us. There is no going back, only moving forward.
Everything within me wants to fight our ending. I want to scream from the rooftops that I didn’t get a fair chance, and that I need another one. Every fiber of my being wants to call you and make things right. Every single ounce of my weight wants to walk to your door and tell you that I’m sorry. I want to tell you that I’m sorry that I failed you and that I failed us. Every single part of me wants to fix this and avoid the ending. I’ve been procrastinating letting you go. I’ve written this over and over to avoid the words that have to start and end with you leaving. I’ve guarded my heart to yours so that I don’t have to ever say goodbye. I’ve avoided letting you go, but I can’t do that anymore. I can’t ignore the fact that time is moving on, and so are you. I can’t ignore the fact that sometimes love lasts for years and sometimes just for a season. I can’t ignore the fact that it is time.
It’s time for me to accept that for whatever reason, it didn’t work between us. It’s time for me to look myself in the eyes and realize that I deserve love. Not only do I deserve love, but I deserve better than what we had. It’s time for me to quit grasping the memories and the broken conversations and move forward knowing that I gave it my all. It’s time for me to find the love that I’m looking for. It’s time for me to run with both feet forward to the life that I’ve been waiting for. I don’t want to fight against our ending anymore; I want to let it happen. I want to accept the fact that you aren’t coming back, that we aren’t finding our way again, and that it is for the best. I want to revel in the hurt, and let it sink deep within me so that I don’t run back to the type of love that hurt me. I’m loosening my grip on everything that I thought should be and embracing all of the things that can be.
This is me knowing that today is a fresh start for me. This is me walking into the future believing that I deserve love and that I will find it. This is me wishing you well in all that you encounter but knowing that I won’t be by your side when you face life every day. And this is me being okay with that. I’m okay with letting you go. I’m okay with knowing you aren’t coming back, even if it kills me inside.