You’ll Miss Me When It’s Too Late

I’m not always going to be there. I say this with confidence. I say this because there is a limit to how much heartbreak and disappointment I can take before I realize it’s time to walk away. Time to let you go. Right now, I’m always there. I am there on the good days, the bad days and the days in between.

It won’t always be this way. I won’t always be at the end of the phone, a text away from picking up the pieces for you. I won’t be the one who makes things better for you when you need someone. I can’t be the one who is always there when you need me but is never there when I need you.

I’m someone who’s easy for you. The safe option. I’m the warm arms that embrace you when you feel low. The compliments when you need a boost. The one who always answers your midnight texts when you are lonely and no one else is around. The one who keeps your heart full.

I would walk to the ends of the earth to make you happy. Many call me foolish for staying around as long as I have. They tell me that there are much better people out there who will treat me with respect, with love. And I know that. I know that there’s someone out there who will love me equally. The only problem is, they aren’t you. I compare everyone to you. I compare every interaction with everyone I meet to the way you made me feel on the good days. I think that’s the problem, though; in my mind, the good days stick and the bad don’t. I know it’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t hold on to what’s killing me. But I am. I’m holding onto you.

One day, I will have the courage to walk away from you. I will be strong enough to not go running back as soon as you call. I will be strong enough to resist your pleas for forgiveness. I will be strong enough to make sure it is me being put first.

One day, I’ll be strong enough to say that this is enough. And you will realize that I was always there. That no matter what you needed, no matter what time of day, I was always the one who would hold you up. To give you everything you needed. I wasn’t just the safe option, the easy choice. I was more than that.

It might take weeks, months, or even years before you realize what I was. Who I was. But you will regret letting me go. You will feel shame for the way you treated me when I gave you nothing but kindness and a place to live in my heart. You will miss me when it is too late. When you finally realize.

I wasn’t always going to be there.

About the author
Just writing my life Follow Holly on Instagram or read more articles from Holly on Thought Catalog.

Learn more about Thought Catalog and our writers on our about page.

Related