Love Can Be Calm (And Other Lessons My Person Taught Me)

1. Love should make you feel full. Not empty. Not misunderstood or unappreciated. Love should give you more reasons to wake up smiling, to compliment the person you see in the mirror, to feel safe and supported. Love shouldn’t be causing you constant tears or self-doubt. Your person shouldn’t be the main reason for your pain. They should be the reason for your revival.

2. The right person is always going to support you. Your person isn’t going to try to hold you back out of fear of losing you. They’re going to push you to succeed, push you to follow your dreams, push you to become the best possible person you can be. They’re going to encourage you, even when you’re starting to lose hope in yourself because they believe in you more than anyone else.

3. Falling in love is about the journey, not the destination. As nice as it is to get married and settle down with someone special, you should enjoy every step of the relationship. Enjoy the puppy love phase. Enjoy moving in together. Enjoy getting more comfortable around each other. You don’t want to spend so much time planning for your perfect future that you forget to enjoy the moment.

4. Love can be calm. You can how you care in small, subtle ways. You can surprise each other with presents and send each other sweet texts throughout the day. You don’t always have to make grand romantic gestures to post on social media. Remember, the healthiest relationships aren’t the most exciting. There’s no screaming in the rain or on-and-off again labels. You act as constants. You treat each other well, regardless of your moods. You’re there for each other, always.

5. Fights don’t have to push you further apart. When you’re with the right person, you’ll find healthy ways to communicate. You won’t always be happy with each other, but when there’s a problem, you’ll talk it through. You’ll feel comfortable opening up to each other, even when your feelings are messy. Every time you go through a disagreement, it’ll give you a chance to show a new side of yourself. You’ll become a stronger team, not a weaker one.

6. Giving each other space is a delicate balance. You don’t want to have completely separate lives because then you won’t feel like a couple at all. However, you don’t want to spend every waking second together, either. You don’t want to become overly dependent or attached at the hip. You want to have some of your own hobbies, your own friends, your own interests. Sometimes, those areas can overlap, but not always.

7. Love is going to hurt. Even when you’re in a close-to-perfect relationship, there are going to be rough days. You’re not always going to agree. You’re not always going to be in the best moods. However, your person should never disrespect you or make you feel small. They should never cross unforgivable boundaries or push you to your limits. They might make mistakes, but they shouldn’t make a habit out of them.