Falling in love is an intoxicating, exhilarating adventure — but having such strong feelings for someone could backfire. It could make you overlook their flaws in favor of their strengths. It could cause you to miss red flags waving in front of your face. If you’re not careful, you might not see all the little ways they’re hurting you.
When your person commits an unspeakable act that you would normally consider a dealbreaker, you might make excuses for them. You won’t want to blame them because you know they’re a good person deep down. You trust that they would never intentionally hurt you. They would never say or do something if they realized how much it upset you. Besides, you understand everyone makes mistakes. You wouldn’t want to throw away someone wonderful over something so silly.
While it can be healthy to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and forgive them when they screw up, you have to watch out for repeat behavior. You don’t want to give your person permission to walk all over you. You don’t want them to assume they can treat you like trash without consequence because you are never going to leave, no matter how much they make you endure.
You might end up unhappy if you allow every mistake to slide. Your love cannot be a blanket excuse for everything. If your person loves you back, they would never want to hurt you. They would want to fix whatever has been bothering you, even if it means being forced to see their own faults. Even if it means they need to put in the effort to change.
When you love someone, you might unknowingly lower your standards in order to stay with them. You might settle for the type of behavior you would warn your friends to run from if they were in a similar situation. You might end up staying with the wrong person longer than you should because you’re so drawn to them. You’re addicted to them. You don’t want to live without them and are worried starting an argument would push them away forever.
However, you aren’t supposed to ignore the things your partner does wrong. You’re supposed to talk to them about whatever is bothering you. Healthy relationships include communication. The strongest couples have conversations, even when they’re hard, especially when they’re hard.
It’s better for you to get your feelings out in the open than to allow them to stew within you. You don’t want to end up resenting your person over a problem they don’t realize exists. And you don’t want to stay with them if they already see they’re hurting you and refuse to change. If you’re not a great match, wouldn’t you rather know sooner rather than later?
When you love someone, it’s natural to see the best in them. It’s natural to spend more time focusing on their positives than their negatives. However, you don’t want to make too many excuses for them. You don’t want to stay with them, even if they stopped deserving you long ago.