There's A Difference Between 'Changing For Them' And 'Growing Together'

There’s A Difference Between ‘Changing For Them’ And ‘Growing Together’

You’re not going to be the same exact person years into a relationship as you were when you first set your sights on each other. You are going to evolve. You are going to change. You are going to reshape yourself into a better version of yourself — and that’s a good thing. That means you are refusing to settle, to grow stagnant, to stubbornly remain in your comfort zone.

However, you have to keep in mind there’s a difference between growing alongside your partner as the two of you get older, and forcibly changing yourself in order to please their ridiculous demands.

If your person gets frustrated about how you always show up late for things, and you’ve always hated that about yourself too, then working toward breaking your bad habit is a great idea. It will strengthen your relationship. It will show your partner you care about their opinion. And it will make you feel proud of yourself. The change is going to benefit you as much as it benefits your person. It’s going to be worth it in the end.

However, if your person is unhappy with something you actually like about yourself, something that feels unfair for them to criticize, then you are under no obligation to do as they ask. You shouldn’t feel pressured to change yourself for another person. You shouldn’t allow them to push you into a decision you’re uncomfortable making. You shouldn’t give them total control over what you do with your life.

At the end of the day, every move you make is your own personal decision. You’re in control of your own fate, your own body, your own mind. Being in a relationship with someone doesn’t give them complete power over you. It doesn’t mean you have to go along with everything they say. You’re still two separate people. You’re still independent, even though you’re a team.

Your person should encourage your growth in areas you are passionate about working on — but they shouldn’t be giving you ultimatums about what you need to change about your looks and your personality in order to keep them around for longer.

If they want to leave, they can leave. Or they can decide to sit down and have a mature conversation with you about how they’re feeling. But they cannot demand that you change who you are as a person.

And they shouldn’t want to do that, either. The person you spend your life with should like your looks, like your personality, like who you are deep down. They shouldn’t wish you were completely different.

There’s a big difference between a supportive partner and a demanding partner.

There’s a big difference between someone who genuinely wants the best for you and someone who disguises their manipulations with caring about your well-being.

There’s a big difference between gradually changing as you grow alongside your forever person and feeling like you need to turn yourself into someone completely different in order to convince them to stick around. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

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