I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because my worst memories of you are at the forefront of my mind. I know there were good moments too, but the bad ones are stronger. They’re the ones that keep me awake at night. They’re the ones that I keep replaying in my mind over and over again, even though I wish I could forget them.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because you hurt more than just me. You hurt other people that I care about even more than myself. If you only did me wrong, then I would probably be able to find it in my heart to forgive you. But you hurt people who never deserved to be hurt, people who deserved so much better, and I don’t know whether I can ever forgive you for that.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because you already showed me what kind of person you are deep down inside. You showed me what you’re capable of doing to someone you supposedly love. You showed me the worst parts of yourself — and I’m not sure whether I can handle them.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because there’s no way to tell whether you’ve changed. There’s no way to gauge whether you’re going to treat me better this time around or whether you’re only on your best behavior for a short amount of time because you’re worried about losing me forever. There’s no way to know whether you mean it when you tell me you regret what happened between us or whether you only regret getting caught.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because part of me doesn’t want to forgive you. I don’t want to risk getting hurt again. I don’t want to put myself through uncontrollable stress again. I don’t want things to go back to the way they were when we were seeing each other every single day. I don’t want to experience that pain again.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because you were completely in the wrong. There’s no excuse for your behavior. There’s no way to explain the way you acted. There’s no way for me to take some of the blame. This was entirely on you. You screwed up. And now you’re paying the price for it.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because it would be so much easier to turn away. It would be easier to cut you out of my world forever. It would be easier to keep pretending you mean nothing to me and it doesn’t make a difference to me whether we see each other again. It would be easier to keep you far, far away from me.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because I’m not sure whether there is a point in offering you a second chance. I’m not sure whether you belong back in my world or whether I’ve been doing the right thing this whole time by keeping you at a distance. I’m not sure whether you deserve to see me again or whether I need to walk away for good this time.