When You Love Someone, You Don't Try To Control Them

When You Love Someone, You Don’t Try To Control Them

When you love someone, you trust them to make the right decisions. You don’t freak out whenever they leave the house without you to meet up with a friend or when they’re a little bit late coming home from work — because you know they aren’t doing anything sketchy. You know there’s not some big secret they’re trying to hide from you. You know they would never betray you. They would never do anything to hurt you. That’s why you take all of their words at face value. If they tell you they’re stopping at the store, they’re at the store. If they tell you they’re getting lunch with a certain friend, they’re with that friend. There’s no reason to get worried when they leave your sight because there’s no chance they’re going to screw you over.

When you love someone, you don’t question every move they make. You don’t get jealous when they spend time with their friends. You don’t get self-conscious when they have a good time without you.

When you love someone, you don’t try to control every move they make. You don’t manipulate them into giving you everything you want. You don’t guilt trip them into canceling plans with friends and spending less time at work so that you can continue to get every ounce of their attention. You don’t try to make yourself the center of their universe. You don’t try to take away their freedom in order to make yourself feel more comfortable.

When you love someone, you understand they’re their own person, just like you. Even though you’re strong as a couple, you’re also strong as individuals. You both have your own lives. And you’re allowed to have your own lives. It’s healthy you have your own lives. You don’t want to be attached at the hip twenty-four seven. You want to spend time together and you want your lives to overlap, but you don’t want your entire life to be about them, and their entire life shouldn’t be about you.

When you love someone, it’s important to set boundaries and explain your relationship expectations. It’s important that they know what type of behavior will make you upset and what you’re okay with. But you shouldn’t have over the top rules about what they’re allowed to wear or eat or say or do. You shouldn’t feel like you’re in charge of them because you’re not their boss or their parent or their babysitter. You’re their partner. Their teammate. Their friend.

When you love someone, you don’t try to control their actions and turn them into someone else. You love them exactly how they are, which means you shouldn’t feel the need to influence their decisions. You shouldn’t feel the need to change them into a different version of themselves that you think is superior.

When you love someone, you don’t try to control them. You allow them to make their own decisions because you trust they are going to make the right decision. You trust they are never going to hurt you. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

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