You Miss Someone Who Doesn't Exist Anymore

You Miss Someone Who Doesn’t Exist Anymore

You keep talking about how much you miss me, but you don’t know me. Not this version of me.

A lot has changed since we’ve seen each other. I’ve been through hell. I’ve been through breakdowns. I’ve experienced a million little failures and a million little successes. I’ve taken steps back and taken steps forward. I’ve grown better in some way and have grown worse in others. I’ve matured. I’ve crumbled. I’ve grown. I’ve changed.

I’m not the same girl who you used to text at midnight. I’m not the same girl who you used to share drinks with over dinner. I’m not the same sweet, innocent, hopeful girl who you used to say you loved. Not even close.

I used to be softer — but time has hardened me to stone. You would probably consider that a bad thing, but it’s something I’m proud to say about myself. I’m no longer the type of person who is going to let you get away with murder. I’m not going to let you disrespect me. I’m not going to let you look me in the eyes and lie.

If you disappoint me or manipulate me or twist words around me, I’m going to call you out on your bullshit. I’m going to put up a fight. I’m going to make sure you know you aren’t going to be able to take advantage of me.

I used to be better at apologizing and offering forgiveness to those who have apologized to me — but it’s rare for me to give out second chances anymore. I know my worth. I know my standards. And I know what is and is not acceptable when it comes to the way others treat me.

I’m not going to keep someone in my world who has disrespected me, simply because we have a history. I’m not going to let my personal feelings get in the way of my standards. I’m going to make sure to surround myself with positivity. I’m no longer willing to put up with anyone who brings me down.

I used to be selfless. I would do anything for anyone. It wouldn’t matter whether it would make my life more difficult because I put everyone else’s happiness in front of my own. I didn’t even think about my own happiness. Happiness was a myth at the time. It was something I never expected to experience, so I gave it out to others so at least one of us was smiling.

Now, I make sure to put myself first. I take care of my body, heart, and soul. I treat my mental health as my first priority. Everything else comes second.

I’m not the same person you’ve been saying you miss. I’m not someone you can mess with anymore — and I’m not sure if you realize that. If you did, then I don’t think you would miss me as much as you’ve been claiming to miss me. I don’t think you would want anything to do with me at all. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

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