When each week is a repeat of the last, the days start to blend together. There’s not much of a difference between Monday and Wednesday or even Saturday because it’s not like there’s anything exciting that you’re waiting to do. Every single day is the same. Nothing new happens. Nothing exciting happens.
But for some reason, you still mark days off the calendar. You still stare at the clock and count down the minutes. You feel like you’re waiting for something but you aren’t sure what that thing is. Maybe you’re counting down until work is over — but why? What are you going to do after that? You don’t have any real plans. You’re not counting down until something happens. You’re counting down until something stops. Until you can stop working. Until you can stop dealing with people. Until you can stop stressing. Until you can stop caring.
That’s not a healthy way to live. You shouldn’t be counting down to end points. You should be counting down to starting points. Until you get to see your best friend again. Until you get to kiss your person. Until you get to watch that show you’ve been dying to see. Until you get to eat the food you’ve been saving in the fridge. Until you get to do something fun, something exciting, something that makes you feel alive.
Unfortunately, nothing excites you much lately. If there was something you wanted to do, then you would do it. You would set the plans. You would take the adventure. You would take active steps in order to make yourself feel okay again.
The problem is that you aren’t sure what’s going to accomplish that. You aren’t sure what will energize you, inspire you, light a fire underneath you.
You might try to talk to the people who love you the most about how you’re feeling, but their advice doesn’t help. Sometimes, it makes it worse. Sometimes, it makes you feel guilty. Sometimes, it makes you wonder whether there is something wrong with you.
Your family and friends will tell you to go out to the bar or take a walk around the block or play a game or visit a museum. They will list out things they think should make you excited — and you might even agree to do those things, but they won’t make a difference. You’ll still feel the same. Empty. Lost. Confused.
When you’re in a state of mind like this, should doesn’t matter. Maybe you should be excited to spend time with your friends. Maybe you should be excited to see a new movie in the theater. Maybe you should be excited to sit down at your favorite restaurant and eat your go-to meal. But your heart doesn’t listen to shoulds. Neither does your brain.
When every single day feels the same, it’s hard to break out of your routine. It’s hard to find reasons to pull yourself out of bed in the morning. But you have to be the reason. Your future has to be the reason. Giving a shit about yourself has to be the reason.
You have to keep going. You have to get through this rut.