1. You rarely hang out in person. Most of your interactions take place over the internet. You’re either texting each other, sending pictures on snapchat, or DMing over some other form of social media. You two talk about setting plans all the time, but you rarely follow through on the idea. Nothing ever comes from your conversations.

2. The only thing you do is flirt. You can’t have a conversation without bringing up sex. You can’t hang out without making out. You never have any deep, meaningful conversations. You never spend any quality, non-sexual time together. It’s all about your attraction.

3. They make excuses to remain single. In order to avoid turning the relationship official, they give you excuses about how they aren’t ready for a relationship or about how they don’t believe in labels or about how they’re happy the way things are with you and don’t want to complicate things. No matter how much you push for a relationship, they keep pushing back.

4. Once in a while, they drop off the face of the planet. This person isn’t consistent with their treatment of you. They will flirt with you for weeks, but then they’ll ignore you for weeks. They’ll act like you’re the most important person in the world to them, and then they’ll shut you out completely. You never know what you’re going to get with them, but it probably isn’t a relationship.

5. You’ve fallen into a routine. You text them. You flirt with them. Maybe you even meet up to hook up. But then they pull away from you again. You’ve gotten caught in a cycle that always ends the same. No matter how hard you try to take that next step and start a relationship with them, they always end up running off.

6. You haven’t met any of their family members. You might have met a few friends when you went out for drinks, but they’ve been keeping you away from their parents. Honestly, you aren’t sure whether they’ve even told their parents you exist. You’re their little secret.

7. You never talk about your future together. You might talk about where you see yourself in a few years and they might do the same, but they never talk about a future they picture with you. They keep talking about how they want to live in the present, but that’s only because they aren’t sure whether you’re going to be around for their future.

8. They’re happy with the way things are right now. You might be dying to take your relationship to the next level, but if they’re happy like this, nothing is going to change. If you’re willing to stick around and give them what they want, they will happily take it from you.

9. You’re not the only person they’ve been treating this way. You’ve noticed other people they’ve been pouring their attention onto online and in person. You’ve picked up on the fact that you aren’t the only person they’ve been flirting with so heavily. You’re one of many.