Yes, when you find the right person, commitment seems a lot less scary. You’ll stop feeling the need to raise your guard and run away during the tiniest arguments. You’ll stop believing you’re better off alone than in a relationship with someone who truly loves and values you. You’ll stop trying to self-sabotage.
But your growing comfort with the idea of commitment doesn’t mean your fear of commitment is going to magically disappear as soon as you find your forever person.
Even when you’re with the right person, you could have doubts. Even when you’re with the right person, you could be afraid of moving forward, moving in together, getting married, having kids, building a future.
You have to give up the idea that your fright automatically means you’re in the wrong relationship. Sometimes your gut gives you warnings because you’re in a toxic situation — but other times, your gut is only upsetting you because you’re experiencing something new and change is always scary.
Just because you’re afraid of reaching the next milestone doesn’t mean you’re with the wrong person.
If you’ve been scared of commitment all your life, your mindset isn’t going to magically change. Your past experiences aren’t magically going to disappear. You’re still going to have some of the same fears. You’re still going to be timid about the idea of spending forever with one person.
You shouldn’t let anyone convince you that you must not be with the right person if you have a single doubt about them. You shouldn’t let anyone tell you you should be 100% sure about your person, otherwise your relationship is a sham.
You’re allowed to have doubts. You’re allowed to wonder whether you’re making the right decision. You’re allowed to think about all the ways the relationship might go wrong. You’re allowed to be human.
Wondering whether you’re ready to commit to someone doesn’t make you a bad girlfriend. And that doesn’t mean your partner is a bad boyfriend. It simply means you’re human.
You’ve been in bad relationships in the past, so it’s natural for you to wonder whether something is going to go wrong in this one too. You’ve had bad taste before, so it’s natural to worry you’re falling down the same path without realizing it. These types of thoughts are okay.
Your fear of commitment isn’t going to go away overnight. But if you’re with the right person, you’re going to have an easier time getting comfortable with the idea of forever. You’re going to slowly ease into your commitment at a pace that makes you feel safe.
It’s dangerous to assume a person isn’t right for you unless you’re a million percent positive they’re your soulmate. When you find someone who makes you happy, it doesn’t matter if you have doubts about whether your relationship will last until death do you part. All that matters is whether you want to try to make it work, whether you have faith your person isn’t going to hurt you, whether you’re ready to commit for the first time in your life.