You Cannot Change Them, So Stop Wasting Your Effort

You Cannot Change Them, So Stop Wasting Your Effort

You cannot change them, so so stop feeling like it’s your responsibility to correct their bad behaviors. Stop playing the fixerthe healer, the hero. They’re not going to change unless they make the decision to change. You can’t force them to do anything. You’re only going to exhaust yourself by setting ultimatums and begging them to treat you better.

Sometimes, walking away is your best option. Sometimes, no matter how much you love a person and want to help a person, there isn’t anything you can do.

The harsh truth is you cannot change them, so stop trying to figure out where you went wrong. Stop blaming yourself for what they have done. Stop telling yourself they would have changed if they loved you enough, if they respected you enough, if they cared enough. This has absolutely nothing to do with you.

But that doesn’t mean their behavior is excusable. That doesn’t mean they get a free pass to treat you like shit because they’re dealing with their own demons and your heartache is only an accidental casualty. That doesn’t mean you should continue to put up with their toxic ways.

You cannot change them, so stop putting yourself in the same situation over and over again. Stop encouraging history to repeat itself. Stop finding more and more reasons to stick with them, even though they hurt you, even though getting along never lasts for long. You don’t have to stick by them. You don’t have to act as their punching bag.

You cannot change them, so stop acting like it’s a good thing you never give up on someone. Stop acting like you’re a saint for staying with them even though they’ve given you a million reasons to leave. If you have reasons to leave, then leave. Go. Find somewhere where you aren’t miserable.

Even though it sucks, sometimes, you have to give up on the people you love. Sometimes, you have to do the best thing for yourself. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is the healthiest thing to do.

You cannot change them, so stop wasting so much time on them. Stop pouring all of your effort into them. Stop neglecting yourself in order to focus on them. You don’t have to make sacrifices in order to make them happy. You don’t have to push aside your needs in order to be there for them when they demand your attention. You don’t have to stay in a toxic situation out of guilt or obligation. You don’t have to do this for any longer.

You cannot change them, no matter how much you love them, no matter how badly you want them to get better. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow. I know it makes you feel powerless. I know it makes you want to cry. But you cannot keep lying to yourself. You cannot keep telling yourself they’re going to change once they realize how upset they’ve been making you.

They might not change. And that means you might have to get the hell away from them. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

Keep up with Holly on Instagram, Twitter and Amazon