Why Fixers Have Such A Hard Time With Love

When you’re a fixer, you have high expectations for yourself and for everyone around you. You don’t like to see anyone settling. You don’t like to see anyone engaging in unhealthy, unproductive behaviors. You want your loved ones to reach their full potential, which is why you push them — but sometimes, you push them a little too hard. Sometimes, you accidentally make them feel bad about themselves. You make them feel like they aren’t enough for you.

When you’re a fixer, you never realize when you’re actually making the situation worse. Sometimes, your loved ones don’t want you to provide them with solutions. They don’t want you to solve their problems for them. They don’t want you to give them advice. They only want you to listen to them rant, to be there for them.

Sometimes, the best thing you can give your loved ones is silence and a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes, it’s better to keep your lips sealed, even when you’re dying to fix the situation.

When you’re a fixer, it’s hard to convince yourself it’s time to stop, it’s time to step back, it’s time to give up. You don’t want to admit you’ve failed. You want to keep trying to reach your end goal. You want to hold onto faith that your hard work is going to pay off.

When you’re a fixer, it kills you to see anybody unhappy. That’s why you’re so quick to jump into action, why you help every single person you see in need. You’re trying to do the right thing, but sometimes, you accidentally overstep. You cross boundaries. You help people who don’t actually want your help in the first place, who would rather be left alone to solve their own problems. And that can cause unintended drama. It can accidentally create tension, even though you were only trying to be nice.

When you’re a fixer, you don’t always realize the way you’re coming across to outsiders. You think you’re doing the right thing because you want to make everyone happy. You want to see your loved ones flourish. You want what’s best for them. But, in their eyes, it might look like you’re judging them. It might look like you aren’t satisfied with the real them so you’re trying to change them into someone they’re not.

When you’re a fixer, you have to be careful because your good intentions aren’t always going to have good results. Sometimes, you’ll push people away by demanding they change. Sometimes, you’ll lose people who matter to you because instead of accepting them as they are, you make it your mission to fix them.

When you’re a fixer, it’s hard to accept you cannot change anyone except for yourself. You cannot convince someone — even someone you love and who loves you back — to act any differently. They’re in control of their own actions. You cannot save them. You cannot fix them. You cannot inspire them to better themselves. They have to come to that conclusion on their own.