It might sound silly to complain about sending the first text, but there’s usually more to it than that. The text is only the beginning. You’re also the one who sets plans, who reaches out to check in, who keeps the conversations going, who doles out compliments, who puts in the brunt of the work.
When you’re always the one sending the first text, it can feel like you’re the only one putting in effort. It can feel like you care about your relationship more than the other person cares. It can feel like you’re unwanted and unappreciated, which shouldn’t be the case considering how much you’ve been doing for this other person.
When you’re always the one sending the first text, it feels like you’re giving and giving without getting anything in return. It feels like the other person likes you enough to answer when your name pops up on their phone, but not enough to draft their own text.
Does that mean they aren’t thinking about you when you aren’t around? Does that mean they’re perfectly fine going days without hearing from you? Something as small as always sending the first text can eat away at you, it can start to activate your insecurities.
When you’re always the one sending the first text, it’s easy to assume the other person wants nothing to do with you. It’s easy to assume you’re expendable to them, that they could replace you at the drop of a hat. What else are you supposed to think when you’re the only one initiating any kind of interaction? If they cared, they could show it in the same ways you’ve been showing it. They could put in some effort, any effort.
When you’re always the one sending the first text, the relationship would fall apart without you. If you didn’t text hello in the morning, then you two would go the whole day without speaking. If you didn’t text to set plans over the weekend, then you two would go the whole weekend without seeing each other. It feels like the responsibility of the relationship falls entirely on your shoulders. It feels like you’re the reason you two still have anything to do with each other and if you decided to stop texting, then your relationship would cease to exist.
When you’re always the one sending the first text, you don’t know whether you should continue making the first moves or whether you should let the relationship fade. After all, it feels like your relationship is off balance. It feels like something is wrong on their end. It feels like you’re always having to work a little harder to get their attention than they have to work to get yours. And that doesn’t seem fair.
In a healthy relationship, you would be putting in the same amount of effort. In a healthy relationship, you wouldn’t feel like you’re the only one who gives a damn. In a healthy relationship, everything would be equal — down to who sends the first text.