When you tell me you like me, you’re attracted to me, you have fun hanging out with me — but claim you’re not ready for a relationship right now, it feels like you’re stringing me along. It feels like you’re purposely being confusing, purposely complimenting me and rejecting me at the same time, in order to convince me to stick around. It sounds like you’re hoping I’ll give you what you want without giving me what I want.
If you don’t want to date me, then I would rather have you be honest about it. You don’t have to get mean and go into detail about all of the reasons why you would never date someone like me — but you can say hey, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way as you do. That way, at least I’ll know not to get my hopes up. I’ll know to stop chasing after you. I’ll know to stop daydreaming about a future with you.
You might think you’re doing the polite thing by pulling the not ready for a relationship right now line, but really, what you’re doing is giving me false hope. You’re making me think there’s a chance you’re going to want a relationship in another week or month or year. You’re giving me reason to continue chasing after you, to continue pouring all of my effort into you.
When you say you’re not ready for a relationship right now, it feels like a copout. Technically, you aren’t telling me you’re interested, so you don’t have to feel guilty when I stick around and get my heart broken. But you know damn well I’m going to stick around when you make it sound like now is just not a good time for you and sometime in the future you’re going to be ready to open your heart again. You know damn well giving me the slightest amount of hope is going to convince me to stay to see what happens.
When you say you’re not ready for a relationship right now, it puts me in a tough position. I don’t want to waste my time trying to convince you to date me in case you turn around and start dating someone else. But I don’t want to leave you too early in case you’re telling the truth and really do need a little time to heal from your last relationship.
When you say you’re not ready for a relationship right now, you aren’t clearing anything up. You aren’t putting your mixed signals to rest. If anything, you’re only causing more confusion. You’re making me even more unsure of what you want from me.
I don’t want to play guessing games when it comes to your heart. I don’t want to wonder whether you’re stringing me along or whether you’re serious about wanting to pursue a relationship with me in the future. I don’t want to be left in the dark about your feelings when you already know exactly how I feel about you.