I’m slowly learning to be less harsh on myself. It’s okay if it takes me a while to get rid of my baggage. It’s okay if I don’t always say the right thing. It’s okay if my flaws see the light of day. Perfection is impossible. The standards I’m holding myself to are impossible. That’s why I’m always so frustrated with myself, why I never feel like I’m doing enough.
I’m slowly learning how hard it is to please yourself, to feel accomplished, to feel productive. It’s easy to celebrate the smallest successes of someone you love, but it’s hard to recognize your own accomplishments, even when they are miles high. It’s hard to take a step back and admit you did a good job. It’s hard to feel satisfied with yourself when you’ve spend a lifetime tearing yourself apart at the seams.
I’m slowly learning other people are under no obligation to give me a second chance — but I can never stop giving myself chances. I can never give up on myself. I can never lose faith in myself. I have to keep growing. I have to continue striving to be a good person, a kind person, a gentle person.
I’m slowly learning taking steps back isn’t the worst thing in the world. Healing isn’t linear. You aren’t going to get a little bit better every single day until you’re healed. You’re going to get a little better, get a little worse, and get better again. And that’s okay. You shouldn’t consider each bad day a major setback. You shouldn’t feel like a failure because you thought you were making progress and all of a sudden it feels like you’re back on square one again. Even if you completely ruin your progress, it doesn’t take away from the fact you originally made progress. Maybe next time you can make even more progress. And the time after that you can make even more.
I’m slowly learning how hard it is to maintain your morals, to do the right thing, to be a good person. Most of the time, the easiest thing to do is the wrong thing to do, it’s the shortcut, it’s the quick fix. You can’t be too hard on yourself when you make mistakes, when you give into your bad habits, because you’re only human. You’re going to fuck up every once in a while. But that doesn’t mean you give up on your personal growth. Doing one bad thing doesn’t mean you have to continue the streak. You can always redeem yourself. You can always reform and regrow.
I’m slowly learning to stop holding onto my past failures. Unless I’m going to learn something from my mistakes, there’s no reason to dwell on them, to lose sleep over them, to hate myself over them. My worst mistakes are behind me — and a whole world is in front of me.
I might make some more mistakes along the way, but I am more mature, wise, and clearheaded than I have ever been before. I am ready for whatever challenges come my way next.