Don’t settle for someone who gives you ultimatums. Don’t settle for someone who forces you to pick between him and friends you’ve known your entire life. Don’t settle for someone who questions your loyalty when you haven’t done a single thing wrong.
If your friendships are completely platonic, with no harmless flirting involved, then your person should respect that and believe that. You shouldn’t date someone who is going to doubt you when you say nothing romantic is going on. You shouldn’t date someone who is going to get annoyed with you whenever you get a text from a guy or bring your guy friend up in conversation. You shouldn’t date someone who is too jealous to let you live your life.
Of course, there’s a major difference between a boyfriend who is slightly concerned about your friendships with other guys and airs his feelings to you in a respectful way — and a boyfriend who demands you don’t look at anyone other than him, no questions asked.
In the first case, you can sit down and have a conversation about it. You can see if you can make him feel better about the situation. You can see if you can ease his paranoia. You can see if there’s a way to make you both happy without sacrificing your friendship or your relationship.
However, if your person is toxically overprotective of you and acting disrespectful about the entire situation, don’t bother trying to compromise with him. Don’t sit there while he makes ridiculous accusations about you cheating. Don’t sit there while he calls you a whore for having other men in your world aside from him. Don’t let him bully you into ending friendships that matter as much to you as your relationship does.
You shouldn’t have to say goodbye to guy friends you’ve had your entire life, just because you’ve stopped being single. You shouldn’t have to choose your boyfriend over your friends. You should be able to have a healthy relationship and healthy friendships.
Date someone who is comfortable with the idea of you having guy friends. Date someone who knows not every relationship between a man and a woman is sexual. Date someone who trusts you aren’t going to do anything sneaky behind his back. Date someone who is confident you’ll stay loyal. Date someone who never lets his jealousy get in the way of your happiness.
When you’re in a serious relationship, it’s important to discuss boundaries. It’s important to know what your person is and isn’t comfortable with you doing. But there’s a big difference between your boyfriend not wanting you to cuddle up close with your guy friends and not wanting you to have any guy friends in the first place.
That’s why you have to find someone who trusts your judgement, someone who trusts you aren’t going to do anything to hurt him, someone who trusts your relationship is going to last despite how many guy friends you have listed on your phone.