I know it would’ve been awkward for us to sustain a platonic friendship after everything we went through together. I realize why your new girlfriend would be uncomfortable having me hang around. I get why you walked away as soon as you started dating someone else. But it doesn’t make your disappearance hurt any less.
I thought you genuinely cared about me. I thought we were good friends.
When you stopped talking to me, when you deleted me from social media, when you decided to cut me completely out of your world, it didn’t just hurt because we were in an almost relationship, or because I thought we were the ones who were going to get together, or because it meant you were never going to be mine.
Watching you walk away hurt twice as much because you were a friend. I considered you someone who I could trust, someone who I could talk to about anything, someone who wouldn’t judge me for how dark my thoughts were or how crazy I acted. You were someone who saw a million different sides of me when most of the world only sees one.
You were an exception. I cared about you more than I care about most people. I put more effort into you than I put into most people. I’m not sure whether you never noticed that or never cared.
I hate the distance you’ve put between us. Even though I understand why you wouldn’t want me around now that you’re in a serious relationship with someone else, I’m still frustrated with you. I feel like you let me down, like you should have stuck around longer or at least ended our friendship a different way, a more honest way, instead of ghosting and making me guess whether I screwed up somewhere. You could have been more upfront with me. You could have talked to me instead of cutting me out completely.
Yes, it would have sucked to stay friends with you while you were dating someone else. It would have hurt to hear you talk about her, to see you post pictures with her, to see how happy she made you. But it sucks just as much now that you’re gone.
In my mind, the fact that you were able to walk away from me so easily means you never valued our friendship as much as me. It means it didn’t make much of a difference to you whether you ever heard from me again.
It must not have killed you to lose me the same way it killed me.
You walked away as soon as you started dating someone else, and even though it wasn’t surprising, it was heartbreaking. It hurt me on so many different levels. Yes, I wanted a relationship with you, but even if that wasn’t possible, I wanted to at least stay friends with you. I wanted some sort of relationship with you.
But apparently we had different ideas. Apparently we cared different amounts.