The more you chase him, the more power you’re giving him. You might not be happy with the small amount of effort he’s been putting into you, but you’re letting him get away with it. You’re letting him do whatever he pleases. By sticking around and picking up his slack, you’re telling him his behavior is okay. You’re not giving him any incentive to start contributing more. Why would he bother to plan dates or send the first text when you’re going to do it for him?
The more you chase him, the lazier he’s going to get. He’s not going to make the first moves anymore. He’s not going to bother to chase you back. He’s going to assume you’ll do the heavy lifting for him. He’s going to leave all of the hard work for you.
The more you chase him, the more you’re going to resent him. Right now, you might be happy you’re even on his radar, but that will change as soon as the puppy love phase comes to an end. One day, you’re going to start getting frustrated about the ignored texts and missed calls and canceled dates. You never screw him over, so you won’t understand how he could have the nerve to screw you over after everything you’ve done for him.
One day, you’re going to realize how tiring it gets being the one caring more, the one doing more. One day, you’re going to decide your unbalanced relationship has been unfair and you’re going to demand to be treated differently — or you’re going to leave.
Either way, chasing him is going to hurt you. It’s going to make you feel insecure. It’s going to leave you with a million questions about your worth, his intentions, and his attraction to you. You’re going to wonder why he’s not putting as much time into writing texts or as much effort into planning dates. You’re going to wonder why it seems like you’re the only one who is organizing weekend dinners and keeping track of birthdays. You’re going to wonder whether you’re doing something wrong, whether there’s something you’re lacking.
When you chase him, you’re putting yourself in a vulnerable position. He can reject you. He can ghost you. He can break your heart. Meanwhile, he’s in the safest position possible. He knows you’re going to double text if he ignores you. He knows you’re going to forgive him if he apologizes.
He’s confident you aren’t going anywhere — while you’re nervous he’s going to leave at any second. And that’s not the way a healthy relationship should be.
You don’t want to be the only one who puts in effort. You don’t want to be the only one who tries. You want to find someone who likes you as much as you like him. Someone who puts in as much effort as you put in right from the start.
The more you chase him, the more you’re going to hurt yourself, so make sure you’re not the only one contributing.