I Can’t Always Be The Positive, Inspirational Girl

It’s easy for me to tell other people everything is going to be okay. It’s easy for me to encourage others to keep thinking positive. But it’s hard for me to follow my own advice sometimes.

It feels like my stress is getting out of control lately. It feels like there’s one good day for every dozen bad days. It feels like everything is going wrong at once.

I keep trying to remind myself everything is going to be okay — and I genuinely believe that’s the truth.

Everything will be okay eventually, but it’s not okay right now. So instead of playing pretend and acting cheery, I’m allowed to bask in that misery for a little while. I’m allowed to complain. I’m allowed to feel lost and hopeless and off-center.

Sometimes, I need to vent for a while. Sometimes, I need to freak out before I’m ready to play the part of an optimist again.

I can’t always be a positive, inspirational girl, because there are times when my mind descends into a dark, hopeless place. There are times when I want to lock myself away in my room, ignore my texts, and disappear for a little while.

Sometimes it seems like spending time on my own is easier, less stressful, less tense. People come with so much drama. They can be toxic. They can be manipulative. Even when you try to cut the bad seeds out from your life, there’s always someone else who comes around to bring you down. It’s impossible to escape the bullshit.

Even though there are millions of kind-hearted, soft, generous people in this world, sometimes it feels like every friendship ends in ruins, every relationship ends in flames. No matter how careful I am with my heart, I keep getting disappointed by people who promised they could be trusted.

I hate myself for getting my hopes up because I’m old enough to know the way the world works by now. I’m old enough to know better. Sometimes, even the nicest people make mistakes. Sometimes, even the people you consider family will screw you over.

Of course, just because one person hurts you, that doesn’t mean the next person is going to hurt you. Just because the world throws one curveball your way, that doesn’t mean another is coming around the corner.

It’s hard to be a positive, inspirational girl when my mind is spiraling, but being a skeptic isn’t going to do me any good. I don’t want to think of the world as a negative place. I don’t want to assume everyone is going to end up hurting me eventually. I don’t want to become a pessimist.

Even though bad things happen to good people, good things happen too. Great things. Spectacular things.

I want everyone to know it’s going to be okay, even if you don’t feel okay right now. I want everyone to remember their darkest days are going to be followed up by beautiful, bright ones. I want everyone to stay hopeful, even when it’s hard, especially when it’s hard.