I’m Disappointed In Myself For How Long I Liked You

I’m Disappointed In Myself For How Long I Liked You

I should have stopped liking you the first time you ignored my messages. The first time you canceled plans. The first time your stories didn’t add up. The first time you made me doubt my own worth.

I should have stopped liking you when you made it clear I was the one who cared more. When I realized you weren’t returning any of the effort I put into our ‘relationship’. When I realized you were sitting around getting your ego fluffed while I was actively chasing you.

I should have stopped liking you when other girls came into the picture. When I saw the way you talked to them, looked at them, liked their pictures, and flirted with them. When I realized you didn’t treat me special after all. You treated me the same way you treated everybody else.

I should have stopped liking you when my feelings for you became more painful than hopeful. When you stopped being a source of excitement and started becoming a source of stress. When you switched from being someone I loved running into to someone I dreaded dealing with because your name became synonymous with drama.

I should have stopped liking you when my self-esteem went downhill. When my insecurities flared up. When the overthinking started. When I started looking in the mirror for extra time, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, trying to figure out why you weren’t treating me the way I wanted.

I should have stopped liking you when your mixed signals started. When I kept swaying back and forth between assuming you liked me back and assuming you wanted nothing to do with me. When you blurred the lines, when you made it unclear whether you were serious about me or whether I was only around for fun.

I should have stopped liking you when the first red flag appeared. When you started acting sketchy. When you started going missing in action. When you started toying with my emotions, leading me on, making promises you never intended to keep.

I should have stopped liking you when you hinted we would never get together. When you kept complaining about your exes. When you only showed interest in my body. When you said you weren’t ready for a relationship right now.

I should have stopped liking you when other people warned me about you. When they pointed out all your flaws. When they said I could do better. When they told me you were only going to hurt me.

I should have stopped liking you when you became an unwanted distraction. When I had trouble concentrating on my work. When my mind kept drifting to worries about you. When I couldn’t think straight because trying to read your signals was stressing me out.

I should have stopped liking you the first time you bruised my heart – but at least I came to my senses eventually. At least I finally realized you aren’t worth my tears or my time. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

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