It’s impossible to date someone without getting into arguments from time to time. The difference between a toxic couple and strong couple isn’t whether or not there are arguments. The difference is the type of arguments.
When you’re in a strong, healthy relationship, you treat each other with respect even when you’re pissed at each other. You don’t call each other names. You don’t curse each other out. You don’t threaten to leave each other. You don’t treat each other with disrespect. You don’t set out to hurt the other person.
If you’re arguing with your person every other day, something is obviously wrong — but if you’re never arguing with your person over anything at all, it’s also a sign something is wrong.
When arguments are done right, they’re actually healthy. They allow you to get your emotions out in the open. They allow your person to hear your side, to see your perspective.
If you never argue, that probably means there are important things staying unspoken. That probably means you are keeping something from your person. That probably means you are suffering in silence.
You shouldn’t feel guilty about complaining to your person. Your opinion is valid. You’re allowed to speak your mind, to voice your opinion, to tell your person they hurt you (even in a small way).
No relationship is perfect, which means you aren’t going to be one hundred percent happy with what your person does one hundred percent of the time — even when you’re with your forever person.
During the moments when you’re upset or annoyed or angry with them, you should feel comfortable speaking up to them. You should keep an honest, open dialogue with them.
You shouldn’t keep quiet about your complaints because you’re worried they’ll leave you if you open your mouth. If you can’t talk to them about how you’re feeling, then they aren’t the right person for you. You need someone who encourages you to voice your feelings, even when it might upset them.
You can try to swallow your complaints in order to keep the peace. You can try to ignore the things your person does that bother you because they aren’t that big of a deal. But if you keep quiet for too long, you will end up blowing up at them or you will end up resenting them — or both.
If you want your relationship to last, you need to find someone who is able to have mature arguments with you. Someone who will take your feelings into consideration instead of brushing them off right away. Someone who wants to know how you’re feeling instead of assuming everything is fine.
Even though it seems counterproductive, you’re not a healthy couple unless you’re arguing. You’re not a healthy couple unless you’re completely honest with each other about what makes you happy and what makes you want to rip out your hair. You’re not a healthy couple unless you are real with each other instead of pretending you’re both perfect.