If I stay up late to text you — or fall asleep in the middle of texting you — it means you have a strong hold on me. It means you are valued above sleep, above consistency. It means I’m willing to leave my comfort zone for you.
I’m not a spontaneous person. I like to go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning. I like to figure out my weekend plans early instead of waiting until the last second. I like to stick to a pre-planned routine. I am highly predictable. I am a creature of habit.
I freak out whenever my schedule changes, even the tiniest bit. The smallest alteration can cause me to spiral. I’m not good with change. I’m uncomfortable with surprises. I have a hard time acting carefree and spontaneous and going with the flow.
When it’s time for me to get to sleep each night, I either end my text conversations with friends so they don’t interrupt me or turn my phone to silent and promise to answer them back in the morning. It’s rare for me to ignore the clock, to ignore the warnings in the back of my mind to get some rest, and to stay up late to continue a conversation with someone. It’s rare for me to choose the adventurous option — even when the adventure is as simple as staying up a little later than usual.
Staying up late to text you means I value every second spent with you, even when it’s over a screen. It means I care about what you have to say. It means it’s hard for me to say goodbye, even if it’s only for a few hours until we speak again.
I’m only going to lose sleep to text you when I’m not going to get any sleep anyway, because you are stuck on my mind. Because I cannot stop thinking about you. Because I cannot wait until the moment when we meet again.
Staying up late to text you means you matter more than my schedule.
It’s the same with last second plans. I usually turn down anyone who invites me out without at least a day’s warning. I need advance notice. I need time to prepare myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I cannot handle sudden shifts. I cannot stand being caught off-guard.
If you’re one of the rare people who can text me to meet you in an hour and I actually agree, then I must be dying to see you. I must be too excited to think straight. I must really like you.
If I text you back late at night or agree to meet up with you at the last second, you probably won’t think it’s a big deal, but it is for me. I rarely miss out on rest to answer a text. I rarely leave the house without warning. I rarely change my schedule — even the tiniest bit — for anyone.