Even When You Have A Boyfriend, You Aren't Going To Be Happy

Even When You Have A Boyfriend, You Aren’t Going To Be Happy

Stop assuming you need a boyfriend in order to reach a place of fulfillment.

Stop assuming all of the pieces of your life will come together as soon as you find your forever person.

Stop assuming love is going to save you.

You are allowed to wish you were in a relationship. You are allowed to search for your soulmate. But you have to realize finding your forever person is not going to solve all your problems. Changing your status is not going to erase all of your insecurities, your baggage, your ongoing issues.

You are going to be the same exact person the day you start dating someone as you were the day before, back when you were still single. Nothing will change except for your relationship label.

Jumping into a relationship in order to make yourself happier when you are secretly miserable inside is like throwing a bandaid onto a wound in need of stitches. It might cover up your pain, it might distract you for a little while, but it isn’t going to heal your wounds.

Relationships are beautiful — but they are not medicinal.

Even though you keep daydreaming about finding your forever person, even though you keep seeing cute couples post pictures across social media, a relationship is not the answer to all your sorrows. A relationship is not going to make you love yourself. A relationship is not going to cure your anxiety or depression.

Even if your person is loving and supportive and exactly what you need whenever you feel yourself tipping off balance, you need more than his heart in order to reach a place of peace within yourself.

You cannot expect your person to solve your problems. You cannot expect them to cleanse you of your trauma. You cannot expect them to make you feel okay again.

Your person can comfort you when you are upset, they can make you feel a little less alone, but they cannot save you. You have to save yourself. You have to take steps toward healing. You have to treat your mental health as a priority.

Stop confusing single with miserable. There are plenty of girls in relationships who are miserable with their lives and themselves, even though they are in healthy, loving relationships.

You are allowed to put getting a boyfriend on your bucket list, but you should also put learning to accept your flaws and be kinder to yourself on there too.

Don’t be mistaken. It’s always refreshing to find someone who gets you, someone who stands by your side when it feels like everything is going wrong, but they are not going to rewire your brain. They are not going to take away your hurt. They are not going to save you. You are in charge of saving yourself.

If you cannot stop crying yourself to sleep at night, don’t assume getting a boyfriend is the answer. Getting a therapist is the answer. Accepting yourself is the answer. Practicing self-love is the answer. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

About the author

Holly Riordan

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.