Love Someone Broken

I want to love someone broken. Not because I want to save them, fix them, tie them up in a shiny bow and admire my modifications. Not because I want to feel better about my own fucked up life. Not because I want to do charity work.

I want to date someone broken because I want to date someone who understands me. I want to date someone who can relate when I hang up the phone with a relative, throat raw from screaming or crying or a combination of the two. I want someone who will look at me without judgement when I cut another toxic person from my world. I don’t want to date someone who flinches when I talk about the abuse endured in my past. I don’t want someone who tilts their head, eyes filled with pity, when I delve into stories about my childhood.

I want to love someone broken, someone who knows what it’s like to hit rock bottom, someone who has a dark side too.

I want to love someone who knows what not to say. Someone who would never tell me to calm down, to stop acting so emotional, to stop being such a drama queen. I could never date someone who looks down on me for spending a weekend in bed or canceling plans with friends because I cannot bring myself to leave the house. I could never date someone who has never been numb.

I want to love someone who has been bruised before. I want to love someone who knows what it’s like to shatter and scramble to collect the pieces. 

I want someone who has endured pain and heartbreak — not only from past loves, but from friends, from family, from people they never thought would let them down. I want someone who has summoned up the strength to make it through tough times.

I don’t want someone who comes from a picture perfect family. I don’t want someone who has never gotten a phone call about a death or divorce that overturns their world. I don’t want someone who has had happiness handed to them on a silver platter.

I want someone who knows what it’s like to feel lost, confused, listless. I want someone who has had to work for a better life. Someone who puts effort into every single day. 

I could never date someone who looks at me like a damaged damsel in need of saving. I could never date someone who cannot believe what I have been through, who looks at me like I am a different breed because our experiences could not be more different.

I want someone who gets me. I want someone who has been me.

I want someone who understands the world is not always fair. Someone who holds on tightly to the good things without taking them for granted. I want someone who appreciates the light in their world because they are used to the darkness.

I want to love someone broken, because I am broken, and we deserve love too.