1. The unanswered texts. It took me hours to summon up the courage to press send. It took me even longer to come up with the right words to type in those messages. After all the effort I put into getting your attention, you would ignore me. When we saw each other again, you wouldn’t even bother to come up with an excuse about how you’ve been busy or how your phone died. You would pretend nothing was wrong. And I was stupid enough to do the same.
2. The canceled plans. You would ask me to hang out. I would spend the entire day planning out what to wear and getting excited about seeing you. And then you would cancel at the last second, right when I was about to leave the house. You were using me as a backup option, a just-in-case. When you found better plans, you ditched me. Maybe it was for another girl. Maybe it was for your friends. Does it really matter?
3. The hypocrisy. You would freak out when it took me more than an hour to answer your texts. You would call me multiple times when you were actually in the mood to acknowledge my existence. The rest of the time, you went missing in action. You were unreachable. If I complained about how long it took you to text back, you would look at me like I was overreacting even though you did the same. exact. thing.
4. The white lies. Your stories never added up. You would contradict yourself. You would alter facts. I was smart enough to see it, but I was worried calling you out on your bullshit would scare you away, so I made excuses for you. I told myself you were scared of intimacy, scared of commitment, scared of getting close to me. I knew you weren’t being honest with me, but I sat back and allowed it to happen.
5. The other girls. I caught you flirting. I heard your compliments. I saw your stares. I noticed your likes. I should have walked away when I realized you were interested in more than just me, but I hoped you would chose me in the end.
6. The secrets. You never told me much about you. You kept pieces of yourself hidden. We knew each other for a while, and I paid close attention whenever you spoke, but I still have no idea about your childhood or your teenage years or even your family.
7. The unpredictability. I never knew which side of you was going to emerge on any given day. Were you going to flirt with me? Or were you going to ignore me? I could never tell. I could never figure you out.
8. The exes. You told me your exes were cheaters. You told me they broke your heart. You talked shit about them on a constant basis. You never considered you could have been part of the problem. At the time, neither did I. I hated those girls for hurting you. But now, I’m pretty sure you told me a skewed version of the story.
9. The warnings. More than one person warned me about getting close to you. I didn’t want to believe what they told me. I wanted to believe they had you all wrong. But they were right. I was wrong.
10. The mixed signals. You acted like you were my boyfriend one day. You acted like a stranger the next day. I never knew where I stood with you. I had no idea what I meant to you. It turns out, I didn’t mean anything at all.