You should not be on a waiting list for his affection.
If he considers you a backup plan, then you should consider him a part of your past. You should consider him a mistake. You should consider him gone.
You are not supposed to rush to get ready at ten o’clock at night when he spontaneously texts you to hang out because you know he is never going to take a raincheck. You should not accept your status as option number two when his other plans fall through. You are not supposed to exist on his timetable.
No matter how much the sight of him makes you melt, no matter how wide your smile grows when he gives you even the smallest dab of attention, he should not get to say the word and have you magically appear on his front step. He should have to work as hard for your affection as you have been working for his. You should be exerting equal effort.
You are not a backup plan. You are not a plan B. You are not second best. And you should never let him treat you that way.
Ignore the insecure voice in the back of your mind, warning you this is the best you are ever going to get.
Ignore the temptation to enjoy his breadcrumbs of affection because you are ‘lucky to be getting anything from him at all’.
Do not settle for half of his heart because you are convinced you are unworthy of the whole thing. Do not assume he is giving you the amount you deserve.
You might have to stay single for a while, you might have to build up your sense of self-worth, but you will eventually come across a person who considers you their number one priority. They will plan dates early so they are guaranteed to earn a spot in your schedule. They will show up wearing your favorite cologne and a button-down shirt because they care about your impression of them. They care deeply about whether you want to take the relationship a few steps forward or want to break it off right there.
The guys that have been considering you a backup plan, the ones who ask you for pictures and only interact over snapchat, never have such detailed thoughts about you. If you do not feed their ego, they will find someone else to take your place. You are interchangeable to them. You are only a way to boost their confidence, so they never care about deconstructing yours.
You should not waste anymore of your time chasing after boys like these because you are never going to rise through the ranks from his second option to his first.
He has already chosen your place. He has already decided what you are worth to him.
But you cannot let his ignorant, dumbass opinion get you down. You cannot care too much about what he thinks.
You are not a backup plan, so stop letting him treat you like one. Stop accepting second place.