Count up how many of these statements describe your relationship with him and check the bottom to see what it means:
1. He only invites you to hang out at the last second. He never makes plans with you in advance.
2. He commonly takes more than twenty-four hours to answer your texts.
3. You are always the one sending the first text.
4. He spends most of his time with you staring at his phone.
5. He has only given you compliments about your looks, but not your personality.
6. Most of your interactions are on Snapchat.
7. He has avoided placing a label onto your relationship.
8. You have not met any of his family members.
9. You have never been invited to hang out with his friends.
10. You text him all the time — but you rarely see him in person.
11. He always has excuses about how he is too busy to see you.
12. He has a bad habit of canceling plans at the last second.
13. He asks you to hang out but has never actually asked you on a date.
14. You have never had a serious conversation about the future.
15. You are unclear whether he likes you back.
16. He has forgotten your birthday before.
17. You have never spent the holidays together.
18. He only starts conversations after liking cute selfies you post on Instagram.
19. He is usually drunk when he hits on you.
20. He sends mixed signals.
21. He gives vague answers whenever you ask him a question.
22. He posts pictures with other girls who seem like more than just friends to him.
23. He asks for nudes more often than he asks about how you have been.
24. He says he is not ready for a relationship right now.
25. He says he wants to keep his options open.
26. When he talks about you, he refers to you as a friend.
27. You cannot name anything significant about his childhood or his family. You only know the basics about him.
28. Most of the time you hang out, it’s in private and kissing is involved.
29. His excuses for not texting you back fast enough never make any sense.
30. He only texts you late at night.
How many statements describe your relationship with him?
It doesn’t sound like you are a backup plan to him. It sounds like he is struggling with how to handle his feelings. Give him a little more time to see if anything develops.
You should be careful. He is not acting like a total asshole, but he certainly isn’t acting like a prince either. Maybe he moves at a slow pace. Or maybe he doesn’t like you enough to date you. At this point, you have to ask yourself whether you think sticking around long enough to find out is worth the trouble. It could go either way.
You should not ignore the red flags waving in front of your face. You are wise enough to know no relationship is perfect, but there comes a point when enough is enough. Even if he does not consider you a backup plan, he clearly does not know how to treat you right. That means it’s time to leave.
You should not continue chasing him. You should not even remain friends with him at this point. Surround yourself with people who actually appreciate your soft-heart. You should not be wasting your time with people who make you feel bad about yourself. You deserve so much more than that.