I have fallen into a routine. I do the same exact things every single day. I eat the same breakfast. I work the same hours. I have the same conversations. I have the same complaints. There isn’t any variety.
I don’t even look forward to the weekends anymore because nothing exciting ever happens to me. The weekend is as mundane as the weekdays.
I spend most of my free time sleeping. Snacking. Overthinking. Friends never whisk me away on a spontaneous trip to the beach or mall or nail salon. I rarely leave the house. The only time I use my car is to go grocery shopping or travel to doctor appointments. I have no social life.
I have nothing to look forward to lately — no parties or events or special occasions. Every day feels exactly the same as the last. I know what tomorrow is going to bring. The same exact thing as last week.
My days have become predictable. Repetitive. Boring.
The worst part is, despite that boredom, time still feels like it is moving fast. It feels like the year is zooming by and I have not accomplished anything. It feels like I am wasting away my youth. It feels like I am screwing everything up.
I feel like a failure. I feel like an outcast. I feel like there is something wrong with me.
Of course, it is my own fault I continue to live like this. It is up to me to change my own situation. I have control over my own destiny.
Instead of waiting for friends to reach out to me, I can create my own plans and invite them along. Instead of working nonstop, I can take some time off and relax a little. Instead of doing the same exact thing I did yesterday, I can switch up my routine — even just a little.
I can shower at night instead of the morning. I can walk the dog down a different section of the block. I can dress differently. I can send first texts and buy concert tickets and see movies without a plus-one.
I want to do those things. I want to break out from this funk. I want to live my life instead of letting the days pass me by. But I do not have the energy.
It’s easier to repeat yesterday than to create a brand-new tomorrow. Changing my routine means taking a risk. It means putting in effort. I might not be happy at the moment, but at least I am comfortable. Changing my routine would mean leaving my comfort zone and I am not ready for that step.
I know how stupid that sounds. I know there are only two choices I can make at the end of the day. I can stop complaining about every single week feeling the same as the last and accept it. Or I can make a change, even though it’s scary. Even though it’s hard. Even though it might make me feel uncomfortable from time to time.
As much as it scares me, I would rather choose the second option. I would rather choose happiness.