I Am Embarrassingly Clingy

I Am Embarrassingly Clingy

I wear my heart on my sleeve.

I send the first text.

I send double texts.

I reply in two seconds even if it took you two hours to get back to me.

I write paragraph-long responses to keep the conversation going even if the last thing you said was only a word.

I am always the one sending the final text because I never know when to stop talking.

I am embarrassingly clingy. I am upfront about my feelings. I love loudly.

I am not going to apologize for chasing after what I want. I am not going to apologize for giving attention to someone who matters to me. My clinginess might be annoying but it is a compliment. It means I care about you. It means you are on my list of priorities.

If I didn’t care about you, then I wouldn’t bother with you. I would ignore your texts the same way everyone else ignores mine. I wouldn’t waste time typing out a reply. I wouldn’t screw up my sleep schedule to hear more from you. I wouldn’t rearrange my schedule to fit you inside.

I only come across as clingy when you are one of the few people who bring me a sense of peace. When you are one of the rare souls I feel a strong connection with. Believe it or not, most other people never get the chance to see an unexpected text from me or spend an evening at my place together.

I have two settings. I am either cold because you do not mean anything to me — or I am clingy because you mean everything to me. You should be proud you broke through my barriers. You should be excited you are getting to experience a side of me unknown to pretty much everyone else.

I am not going to be ashamed of my honesty. I am not going to force myself to wait an hour to reply to a message or pretend I am too busy to hang out with you to create the illusion I have some thriving social life.

I have played pretend in the past and it led my nowhere. It only caused mixed signals and confusion. It convinced people to run in the other direction because they had no idea I secretly wanted them to come closer.

I am embracing my emotions now and I am so much happier with myself. I am proud of being in touch with my vulnerable side. It makes my feel stronger, not weaker.

I might be too clingy for some tastes but it’s better than being numb. It’s better than hiding my emotions behind a smokescreen. I would rather scream my feelings from the rooftop than stuff them into my chest. I would rather tell my loved ones how much they mean to me than leave them wondering and feeling alone.

I am embarrassingly clingy — and if you fault me for that then I will wander off and find someone else who treasures me for that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.

Keep up with Holly on Instagram, Twitter and Amazon