I’m Not Putting In The Effort Anymore

I’m not going to sit around and try to come up with conversation starters, excuses to send the first text. I’m not going to work my ass off to continue a conversation that you are letting die with your ‘k’ and ‘lol’ responses. I’m not going to force you to talk to me when you clearly could not care less about having me in your life.

If we go weeks without talking, that is fine. If we never speak to each other again, that is fine too. I’m not going to take full responsibility for our friendship anymore. I’m not going to throw myself at you. I’m not going to chase after you when you haven’t reciprocated a single thing.

I’m not going to spend hours on my hair and makeup before leaving the house, just in case I accidentally end up running into you. I’m not going to take twenty selfies in a row in the hopes you will see what I post online and call me pretty. I’m not going to go out of my way to impress you. I’m not going to allow my world to revolve around whether or not you like me back.

I have been putting in 99% of the effort this entire time and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. We still aren’t a couple. You still aren’t asking me out. Everything I have done so far has been pointless. I haven’t made you want me. I’ve only stressed myself out. I’ve spent weeks overthinking and overreaching to make you mine and have failed miserably.

From now on, I’m going to stop caring so much. I’m not going to keep my schedule free on the weekends just so I am available if you happen to ask me to hang out. I’m not going to ditch my friends when you invite me over at the last second. I’m not going to give you everything you want on the days when you decide to pay attention to me.

I have to start placing myself first for a change. I have to reorganize my priorities so I am at the top of the list and you are at the bottom.

If you were putting in effort too, things would be different. I would be happy to keep sending sweet texts and liking photos and planning hangout sessions. But that is not the relationship we have. Our relationship is one-sided. Our relationship is unfair.

Moving forward, I’m not going to spend all my time thinking about you when you never bother to think about me. I’m not going to be the person putting in all of the effort. I’m not going to settle for someone who takes from me without giving anything in return.

I deserve attention, too. I deserve compliments and invitations over and good morning messages. You shouldn’t be the only one benefitting while I’m stuck crying over you in the corner.

I’m not putting effort into our relationship anymore. We wouldn’t even have a relationship without me.