I am slowly learning not to say I love you out of habit. I do not want the words to become meaningless. I never want someone to play house with me because they are used to me, because they are comfortable around me, even though their feelings have faded away over time. I want love to remain a powerful word, not a word used to fill awkward silences because there is nothing else to say to me.
I am slowly learning love is not fair. It can be given and taken away at any time. Even if I am madly in love with someone right now, there is no telling how I am going to feel in the future. As much as I want to believe in forever, there is always a chance forever will end prematurely.
I am slowly learning love is not something I should cling onto. If someone is trying to shake me off, then I have to let them go. I should not fight for them if they are not willing to fight for me. Not all relationships are meant to last, even if I once believed they were it, the one, the final chapter. Plans do not always work out. Sometimes things change. Sometimes hearts change.
I am slowly learning it is possible to fall out of love. To look at someone and feel differently toward them than when we first met. To acknowledge we have both developed into different versions of ourselves, versions that may no longer make any sense together.
I am slowly learning history does not matter. The kindness someone gave me in the past matters much less than the way they are treating me in the present. I cannot keep someone in my world because of memories. It is unhealthy to look at them and wish they would go back to the way they used to be, to feel like they are unrecognizable now, to want the old them back.
I am slowly realizing some of my closest friends and family from childhood are distant now. That is why it would not surprise me if some of the people I cannot imagine living without right now are the same people I will have lost touch with in the future.
I am slowly learning it does not matter if I am married to someone or friends with someone or related to someone, because there is always a possibility of us parting paths. There is always a chance our relationship will crumble over the years or in an instant. No relationship is guaranteed. No love can promise to last, it can only hope.
That is why I am learning not to take it personally when someone walks away from me. They might have been good for me in the past, but that does not mean they are going to enhance my future. Just because I loved them back then does not mean I should continue loving them now. If we would be happier apart, I have to accept that. I have to be okay with it.
I am slowly learning love does not always last — even though the memories will.