22 Reminders For When You’re Going Through A Rough Breakup (The Best Of Reddit From June 1)

You’re not the only person going through heartache. These people from Ask Reddit have experienced the same exact thing and they have some advice to help you move on.
breakup
Unsplash / Alexandru STAVRICĂ

1. Unfollow them on social media

“Unfollow or block on all social media. If you have mutual friends and those friends are posting things related to your SO (e.g. they’re out every night at the club with them or whatever), unfollow them as well. It’s out of sight out of mind sort of deal. It’s much easier to get over if you don’t have reminders around.” — DrunkenOni

2. Keep yourself occupied

“Think of all the things that were bad in the relationship. Things that you would have liked to be different. You can now find those things in your next partner! When you start to long for them, go over that list in your head.

Put everything that reminds you of the relationship into a box and put it away. It might be too hard to throw them out, and maybe you’ll want to keep them when you’re healed, but you need to get them out of your daily view.

Ask yourself how you can improve yourself for your next relationship. To be a better person and a more desirable partner. Work on those things, and realize you are a desirable partner. A boost to your self confidence helps the bad feelings go away.

Know that this wasn’t your last chance at love, no matter how much it felt like destiny. You will not be alone forever, you will find someone new, someone better. Time will pass and you will be comfortable dating again.

Don’t force yourself into dating. Take time to just be yourself. Take care of your own needs. It’s ok to be a little selfish.

When times are tough, keep yourself occupied. Talk to friends, watch Netflix, play a game, etc. Keep your mind off your ex during a loneliness ‘flare up’. Do not stew in the loneliness. Know that it will pass.

Possibly the hardest part; know when to walk away completely. It may help you to stay friends so that you won’t feel as lonely while you get used to no longer being intimate. But if casual conversation or seeing their face sets off your bad mood, you need to seriously consider a full break from your ex. You can always try to be friends later, but for now you need to do what is best for you.” — Blu3Army73

3. Don’t try to remain friends

“Don’t try and stay friends straight away. It hurts too much. If you’re the dumper, be aware you have power in this situation that the dumpee does not and whatever they might say, that imbalance is going to hurt. And if you’re the dumpee, the only real power you can take from the situation, is distancing yourself and working on becoming better. And you will need to take that power, or you’ll feel utterly worthless.

One day in the future, maybe you’ll get back in touch and rekindle a friendship. But in the beginning, learn to be without them, because whatever they say, you’ll have to be without them.” — DukeInterior

4. Give yourself time to hurt

“Hard times come, and hard times pass. Like all your strife before, this too shall pass. Give yourself time to hurt – it will hurt less and less until you’re back to being you.” — ALLSTARTRIPOD

5. Delete old text messages

“Delete all text messages and pictures, and rid of anything that reminds of you of him/her. The less you’re reminded of your old SO, the faster you’ll move on.” — Vangelicon

6. Find closure within yourself

“A friend and I were just talking about this and the topic of closure came up. Closure isn’t something the other person can give you, it’s when you’ve made peace with the fact that the relationship is over.

Movies make us believe that exes should get together and talk about things and then magically both come to the conclusion that it was the right thing to do and then everyone moves on. In reality, it’s rarely that clean and someone has lingering feelings (of love, anger, or both) that complicate the situation. Those conversations lead to more questions about why the break up happened or rehash the reasons why you had problems in the first place and end up being counterproductive. In my experience those conversations tend to remind me why we’re not together anymore and I can move on from that, but the other person may not see it that way (and it’s hard to remember that you’re not responsible for making them see it).

My advice is, whether you’re the breaker or the broken, cut off contact and find your closure in yourself. Remind yourself that it’s likely you’ll never get that apology or explanation that you want, the relationship is over whether you wanted it or not. If you’re the breaker: remind yourself why you did it. If you’re the broken: remind yourself that just because someone doesn’t want you doesn’t always mean there’s anything wrong with you, you’re just not compatible and you can’t force that. Use those reminders to move forward with the knowledge of your past mistakes and lessons about what you will/won’t put up with in a relationship.” — thejcm

7. Do not try to win them back 

“If the breakup resulted from chronic problems that went unfixed, it’s too late to try to pull a ‘Hail Mary’ and fix them now in the hopes of winning them back.

They’ve done their grieving for the relationship and moved on, you need to do the same and just remember what went wrong for the next relationship so the mistake isn’t repeated. Treat your partner’s grievances as legitimate before it gets to crisis level, don’t brush them off until there’s an ultimatum.” — freudian_nipslip

8. Eat ice cream

“If you want to cry, eat ice cream, sulk, watch sad movies, bitch to your friends… do it.” — RevengeVagina

9. Spend more time with your friends

“Keep occupied. Weather it’s going out with friends, reading, video games (ideally ones you need to focus on), learn an instrument, learn a language. Whatever. Just keep occupied and someone will come along. Not necessarily a new love interest, could be a new friend, but someone will make you realize that your feelings have changed too. But first and foremost is accept they’re gone, that’s absolutely the hardest thing but the biggest. At least in my experience.” — sozimdrunk

10. Get rid of everything that reminds you of them

“Put everything that reminds you of the relationship into a box and put it away. It might be too hard to throw them out, and maybe you’ll want to keep them when you’re healed, but you need to get them out of your daily view.” — WoollyMuffler

11. Hook up with someone else

“Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” — nocontroll

12. Have a movie night

“Watch 500 Days of Summer.” — Wavesignal

13. Do not drink

“Stay away from the booze.” — Sarabus

14. Date someone different in the future

“Make sure the next person doesn’t have the same qualities. Moving on is hard, it’s not impossible. Every day it gets easier. Be as amicable as possible for your own peace of mind.” — kitedog

15. Let yourself feel sad

“Let yourself feel sad. And let yourself mourn what is over. It is important to move on, but you should allow yourself to experience and get through the ‘weak’ emotion.

But move on too. Find new things to do that are not associated with your ex. Break social media ties if possible. Seeing what your ex is up to will do you no favors. You will find yourself thinking about your ex, and when that happens, let the thought happen, and then occupy yourself with something else. Don’t let it linger.” — Adrenalchrome

16. Make a list about their bad traits

“Make a list of what you don’t like with your ex, to stop yourself from only focusing on what was good with him/her.

Don’t type or talk to them much, but be polite when you do so.

Don’t forget that you will feel better with time.” — Dotte7

17. Get revenge by bettering yourself

“The best revenge is living well. Move on and better yourself.” — ParaLegalese

18. Block their number

“Block their number. Not as an insult, not to be hateful. Because you don’t need to talk to them, you don’t need to frantically check your phone every time it makes a noise, and you sure as fuck don’t need to drunk text or call them… So much peace of mind.” — di456

19. Stay off social media

“Move on. Stay busy. Stay off social media. Learn from it.” — joshuanotjosh 

20. Know it will get better

“Realize that the hurt you feel and the hurt your (ex)significant other feels will go away. The experiences learned will shape a better you. It’s trial and error.” — sallycreamcheese

21. Give yourself uplifting reminders

“Remember why you’re breaking up, remember why you broke up.” — UnsetTheMindset

22. Stay far, far away from them

“A lot of other people have said this already: DON’T STAY ‘FRIENDS’. You’re not friends, you’re exes. There’s a difference. You can be friends one day if you really really want to, but you have to be 100% over each other. If that’s not the case, jealousy will ensue.” — kitty-kitty-smash

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