When I Say I Have Moved On, This Is What I Mean

Bianca des Jardins

When I say I have moved on, I don’t mean all of my feelings for you have magically disappeared. There is a piece of me that still loves you. I will always feel that way. We had something special. A strong connection. You meant something to me, which is why you are always going to hold a sliver of my heart, no matter how much time has passed and how many other people I have dated.

When I say I have moved on, I mean that I am no longer going to sit around and wait for you to come back. I am not going to hold onto the hope that we could reunite and make our relationship work the second time. I am not going to fool myself by saying you were the perfect person for me or that you were the one who got away. I can see our situation logically now. I know we didn’t make the best fit. I know we are better off apart.

When I say I have moved on, I don’t mean you never pop into my head anymore. There are still songs that make me think of you. There are still moments when I wish we were on better terms so I could text you about some stupid joke that reminded me of you. You are not completely erased from my memories. It would be impossible to forget you. You will always be somewhere in the back of my mind.

When I say I have moved on, I mean I don’t stay up every single night anymore, replaying our memories in my head. I don’t try to figure out the reasons why we fell apart. I don’t daydream about running into you and flirting the way we used to do. I don’t obsess over you. I don’t wake up with your name on my lips. You are someone I think about from time to time, but not someone I think about every single day.

When I say I have moved on, I don’t mean I’m happy about our relationship ending. Breakups always suck, even in hindsight. I really liked you back then and losing you was difficult for me to deal with. I cried a lot. I screamed a lot. I hated myself for a long time and then I hated you. Recovering from what happened between us was far from easy. It was hell.

When I say I have moved on, I mean I am now able to think of you with a smile. Our good memories don’t bring me to tears anymore. They make me smile because I am happy we at least had a short time together. I am happy we fell for each other and learned from each other, but I understand why it would be a bad idea for us to speak now. We might have made sense in the past, but not in the future.

It has taken me a long time, but I can finally say that I have moved on from you. TC mark

The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved.

You don’t have to solve your whole life tonight. You just have to show up and try. Focus on the most immediate thing in front of you. You’ll figure out the rest along the way.

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