You Are *Supposed* To Feel Incomplete In Your 20s

A girl in her 20s
Twenty20 / b.rose

I feel like something is missing from my world, but I’m not sure exactly what I’m searching to find. That used to bother me, but I am slowly learning that my twenties are a time to question everything. A time to figure out what I am destined to do for the rest of my life.

If I was certain about who I was, if I was completely comfortable in my current place, then where would I be headed? Nowhere. It’s good that I feel unsettled, that I feel incomplete, because I have something to aim for in the future. I have goals to complete.

I have to accept that my twenties aren’t supposed to be my easiest years. They are supposed to be confusing. I am supposed to feel lost. I am supposed to wonder what the hell comes next.

Of course, that knowledge doesn’t make life any easier. Growing older is a struggle. It’s difficult to take at times.

There are days when I am upset about not having a house and a husband yet, and there are other days when I think there is no way in hell I am ready for that kind of commitment.

I never feel like I am acting my age. There are days when I feel like an old lady, because I would rather stay home and read than get changed out of my pajamas and socialize with anyone. Then there are other days when I feel like I am acting like a young kid again, because I want to get wasted and gossip with my friends instead of taking care of my responsibilities.

No matter what I do, I feel like it’s the wrong thing. I feel like I am stuck in between being a teenager and an adult. Neither term accurately describes me. I am too mature for a teenager, but too immature for an adult.

I don’t know how to file taxes without the help of family. I don’t have all of my student loans paid off. Half of the time, I don’t have a clue what I am doing. Adulting is much harder than it sounds.

When I was little, I thought I would have my life together by the time I reached my twenties. I thought I would have my own apartment and an engagement ring on my finger. I thought I would know exactly who I was and what I wanted from the world.

But no matter how much time passes, I feel like I am just as confused as the year before. I feel like I am fumbling through life — and I am learning that kind of thinking is okay. It is normal.

People in their twenties (and even thirties and forties) don’t actually have their lives together. They don’t actually know what they are doing. They have just become better at faking it.

The older I get, the more I realize no one has any clue what comes next. We’re all just hoping for the best and trying our best. TC mark


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  • theOwl30

    …..”Adulting is much harder than it sounds.”

    Is it? If it is, then I suspect it’s because *someone else* is defining what Adulting is “supposed to” mean. I mean, what exactly is proper Adulting? And who; already, is the one who “decided for society” what that is?

    Here is a wonderful opportunity for folks to exercise some “independent thought”, some “critical thinking” and to “march to the beat of our own drum” and “walk our own path”.

    So why don’t we? Because we worry. About “acceptance”, about fitting-in, about what will others think, about not seeming weird. GEEEEEZZ, as if we are left-to-our-own-devices we will somehow be weird. freaky, or automatically make wrong choices. Says who??

    We can “be an individual” without being outrageous. Have courage.
    What IS “maturity”?
    After we’ve “been responsibile”, (as an ADULT), now what?
    I don’t want to be like the 40yr. old who makes a big deal about how they are always so “busy” on every minute of their days off (translation: it quickly becomes a one-upmanship game of: iiiii-am-more-responsible-than-you-are. And you also see it in the career-addicts who have nnoooo Life outside of their job and who put in lots of voluntary overtime, because they are such a go-getter who cares about “getting ahead”. This isn’t necessarily wrong, in moderation, but 80% of these types put all of their eggs in the I’m-so-“Busy” basket and have no Life outside of work. YES, BE an Adult. Pay your bills on time. But I’ll bet a lot of those serious adult types have very infrequent times where they:
    1. Take a scenic drive to a Waterfall
    2. Stay overnight at the beach, even for just one night, to give ”em too days away from town.
    3. Saw a comedy movie IN A THEATRE (be alert here to listen for them to say: yeah, I’d like to, but ya know, I’m just so “busy”,as if that’s the whole badge-of-honor or how adult or how responsible one is).
    4. Took a risk and told a joke, that may, or may not go over.
    5. Said they enjoyed a TV show or movie that are not that popular with others.
    Again, we care too much of fitting in and being politically correct.
    I wouldn’t go to work with pink hair, or a nose-ring, or try to get promoted that way…..but you still have a lot of “wiggle-room.
    and by the way, I’m “over 50” — theOwl30

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